The Bigger Than Me Movement

A collective effort to promote healing. A gathering place to share your most intimate experiences without judgement.

#TheTower

March 17, 2019
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I am heavily into the tarot (cards). I am not a reader (yet), but I truly enjoy the craft. I binge watch tarot YouTube videos. This month has been an emotional roller coaster- and the month isn’t even over yet.

I was forced to re-open multiple childhood wounds. It just clicked- Mercury retrograde 🙄. But anyway… I had blocked the traumas out so long- I forgot about them. But this mercury retrograde let me know some things needed to be addressed.

A loved one expressed sorrow due to my childhood experiences. This is someone who literally watched me grow up from birth. I feel this was a confession that weighed on them for 34 long years. I am forever grateful this person had the courage to share valuable information❤️. It was obvious to everyone (inside and outside the household) the abuse I suffered.

Everyone just “pretended” they “didn’t know” what was going on. The sexual abuse… the physical abuse… the mental abuse… the emotional abuse💔 I re-lived the fear in my eyes… the chills in my body… as I heard my mother kept me looking nice, but the LOVE WASN’T there. I re-lived that scared little girl who longed to be saved- from a cold cold world.

I was forced to process my emotions. I would replay so many words and scenarios in my mind 😓. I had a rough first week- the good thing is I acknowledged it. Therefore, I was able to identify areas of improvement for the following week.

Boy did I bounce back (like Big Sean😎). Seems like I did a complete 360. I OVER (although you can never overdo) indulged in self-care. I experienced several candle light showers with incense and music. I experienced the beauty in nature (new for me) and spent hours outdoors. I also made healthier eating choices- especially compared to the prior week.

I counteracted the re-opening of the wounds with self-care. I came to the understanding it’s NOT my fault. My childhood experiences were not for me to feel guilt. I had to release guilt that it was all because I deserved it. I did not deserve it. But more importantly- I learned from it. I learned some experiences are just to teach us something. Let’s work towards a “what is this trying to teach me” mindset.

The icing on the cake was finding out I was not born when I thought I was. I put a nice spin on it though😎 All that is before me is in my past. I have the opportunity for a new beginning. On solid foundation. Not what I was told it should be. But for what I know- what I feel…What I love💗

I needed that tower moment. Otherwise, I would have continued to exist in an illusion. The illusion I’m not enough and I deserved every “negative” experience. Nope- not happening captain… not in my book. This new chapter is something like I’ve never experienced before. I am looking soo forward to it. I am learning to be present so I can embrace it and all that comes along with it (for my highest good).

🥂 to NEW BEGINNINGS 🌱💖

#Revalation

March 16, 2019
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I was not born on the date I’m “celebrated”. It took me over 34 years to discover this truth. I can’t lie- It hurts like hell. I’m learning to be mindful of my perspective as it really makes all the difference. With that being said- there’s a blessing in all of this. I will remain optimistic and do the best that I can- considering the circumstances. There’s no need to move 34 years into the past. It wouldn’t change a thing. It would only create unnecessary stress. Therefore, I will process the emotions I feel. I will decide on the date(s) I will be celebrated- hopefully more frequently than the past. Until next time ✨

#WhatChanged?!?

March 16, 2019
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I started listening to my soul ✨

#AmIAlone

March 14, 2019
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Lately, I’ve been thinking about my past, present, and future.  My past does not define me.  My present elevates me to/for my future. The song “So Much Better” by Phony Ppl perfectly describes my mood (I linked it at the bottom). The song’s storyline is we (as a society) can do so much better than we are. It tells us to chase our dreams as we are beyond capable to achieve them all. Most importantly, we are supported by the spirit world (angels, spirit guides, and our loved ones).  However, we CHOOSE to settle.  We settle for the job that we always complain about and dread going to.  We settle for a piece of paper that allows us to purchase material items.  We think the material items make us happy.  I’ve got news for you (personal experience). The money only puts a Band-Aid on the wound. The many wounds that we carry and block out from our childhood. We think buying things will “make up” for the trauma we’ve experienced. It will NOT.  The money often causes us to run away from our dreams and towards our demons. We create situations and scenarios that were never designed for us (pain & sorrow). We have an opportunity to change this mindset.

This transition is not an overnight process and we shouldn’t expect it to be. There will be many times where you want to quit and go back to what you’re familiar with.  The baby steps will get us where we need to be. Take a break from the world and spend some time alone. We have to get rid of the outside world chatter. Get to know YOU. You came in this world alone, right (unless you are a twin, triplet, etc. Lol.) What do YOU like? Not what someone TOLD you to like? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What can you do to not feel sad?  For example, maybe learning how to tell people no (without guilt) is a start J What would happen if you left this world today? Would the world stop spinning?!? Of course not! LIFE GOES ON!!! With or WITHOUT you.

So start doing what you LOVE! Practice self-care. Love those who love you- even the ones that don’t J At the end of the day- it’s not that serious- Lol. Just learn and follow your passions and live the best life you can. You are truly loved, supported, guided, and protected.

 “I Know We Could Be Doing So Much Better”- Phony Ppl

Disclaimer: I do not own rights to the images and music discussed in this post.

#SavedMyLife

March 13, 2019
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Listen Now- “I Made It” By Fantasia                                                      

Spirituality saved me! Not religion, but spirituality. Webster defines the root word spiritual as “of or relating to supernatural beings or phenomena”. We will break phenomena down to mean “an object or aspect known through the senses rather than by thought or intuition”. So what does this all really mean? There is a whole world that exists beyond what we can “physically” see.

For example, we may find ourselves in a situation where something just doesn’t “feel” right. This is known as our intuition. We do not have proof that something is not “right”, but deep down we know something is “off”. I will give you another example. Imagine avoiding a horrific accident- maybe you freaked out and didn’t know what to do next. Often, people will say a guardian angel saved them.

That’s pretty much what happened in my case. I yearned for guidance and searched in all of the wrong places. I was a broken little girl deep down. Heartbreak after heartbreak. Breaking heart after heart. I had a lot of pain and anger built up. I had so many questions- with NO answers.

I was always curious about psychic readings, but never really “believed that kind of stuff”. I came across a spiritual healer in my town (Durham, NC). Ms. Lynn Swain, MagikCraft, is a “7th Generation Spiritual Reader, Medium, Healer, and Clergy, who loves the craft”.

My first session was CRAZY accurate. Lol. I remember calling to schedule a follow up session. A few sessions turned into the enrollment of a 13-Month Certification 13 Moons (MagikCraft). The 13-month course provides personalized instructions on how to “Craft Your Magic”. The curriculum varies from herbology, mediumship, tarot magic, astrological magic, stone uses, among other disciplines.

This course changed my ENTIRE life!!! Lynn showed me the REAL work takes place on the inside. I received homework after each session. I studied, studied, and studied. The homework was tailored to my wants and needs. Therefore, it was relative to my emotional, mental, and spiritual blockages (You can already see there were a million 😜). The goal was to improve my quality of life and live purposefully. Fast forward to 13-months later- I graduated from 13 Moons in December. What did I learn?!?

I learned that I play a major role in many circumstances in my life. I also learned that I suffered at the root of other people’s trauma. I learned ME. I learned my desires. I learned to LOVE ME. I learned to effectively receive love (this was always a challenge for me). I learned how to express sincere love. I learned to embrace the good. I learned to embrace the “bad”. They were just blessings in disguise. It was/is all a part of my journey. I am no longer a victim. I am a VICTOR. I also learned how to communicate with my spirit guides, angels, and ancestors. This in itself changed my life drastically.

I wholeheartedly embrace how far I’ve come. Because not many know where I’ve been. The ones who do probably never thought I would change (with fire & grace) in a “supernatural” way😎 As they say- “I does this shit” LOL!!! Grew out the concrete. I am grateful for MagikCraft/Lynn as she was the vessel to explore and experience this soul searching journey. The evolution continues🌱

#DarkSpaces- Part 1

March 13, 2019
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Come on- we ALL have them. We just try our best to cover it with the good. I’ve come to the conclusion that my darkness is taking me to my destiny. Let’s see- where do I begin?🤔.

Maybe I can start with my birth. My conception was regretful. I think I felt safer inside the womb than out. I entered this world afraid and lost. I never experienced a sense of belonging growing up. It didn’t help when others insisted I did not belong. I did the unimaginable to feel “accepted”.

I was repeatedly faced with sexual abuse- by multiple people. I was somewhat happy about the abuse because I received the attention I had always yearned for. I’d rather have the attention than no attention at all. I eventually became promiscuous and initiated sexual relations due to the increased desires for attention. I placed myself in dangerous situations without thinking twice. This went on for years…decades…

It wasn’t until I went deep within as I tried to wrap my mind around this concept of “healing”. I’ve learned it wasn’t my fault- despite what I was told. I understood I unfortunately wasn’t alone in these experiences. I was able to see the value of my existence.

This may sound crazy, but I am grateful for those scary experiences. 1) I have a testimony to share with others in my shoes 2) I learned “reasons & seasons” 3) I have connected the dots on my life over the years (I have a better understanding of how I acted out in certain situations).

I signed up for this life of mine. I agreed to ALL terms and conditions. The good.. bad.. and ugly. I embrace it all. I understand the bad and ugly can often shape a person. However, it does not have to define YOU! Allow the past to teach you and give you the opportunity to be better- to help others get better❤️

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