I am really enjoying our vacation. We ate breakfast and sat out on the beach for quite some time. Then we headed to Ben & Jerry’s for a 10am treat. I try not to eat a lot of ice cream as I normally only get a scoop or two.
But this time was different. I thought- I am on vacation. I am enjoying myself and my company. I am deserving of something different. I requested a banana split as my morning treat. I was overwhelmed with joy on the inside as I didn’t know I could pick any three flavors.
I remember a feeling of bliss in that moment. A feeling of more than enough- capturing a simple, but beautiful gesture. I debated internally if I wanted to ask for a cherry. I muscled up the strength because again- I am more than deserving. Unfortunately, they didn’t have them… that wasn’t an issue for me.
I am just glad I stood up for myself and asked for what I deserve❤️✨
I asked my wife to suggest a topic for my blog. She said “women’s empowerment” and provided an explanation. I couldn’t help but to agree with her point of view. Women are the “underdog” no matter how you look at it. We have to extra extra try just to be mediocre. Then, we have to compete with our male counterparts and just “accept” being valued less- this is because “that’s the way it’s been”.
We have to stop being afraid to share our gifts with one another. Why do we fear our friends might be jealous? Why do we fear our friends might not care? What is the root cause of the triggers? We must work through the issues before moving forward. Women have the ability to build empires on their own – Mother Earth😉. Imagine what we can build when we collaborate dopeness with dopeness…
But first, we must acknowledge that we possess something valuable within ourselves. Then, we must understand we manifest our outer based on our inner. For example. If I feel poorly about myself- I will attract those who treat me poorly. If I treat myself with love – I will attract those who love and value me. Next, we must encourage ourselves to develop a spirit of networking. This is the healthy act of exchanging thoughts and ideas. But why do we fear “networking”? Let’s go back and work through the triggers. The final step is to expand.
Expand this framework to others to learn and implement. This is how we change the world- and it starts with us… because the men just follow behind us anyway😉
I am heavily into the tarot (cards). I am not a reader (yet), but I truly enjoy the craft. I binge watch tarot YouTube videos. This month has been an emotional roller coaster- and the month isn’t even over yet.
I was forced to re-open multiple childhood wounds. It just clicked- Mercury retrograde 🙄. But anyway… I had blocked the traumas out so long- I forgot about them. But this mercury retrograde let me know some things needed to be addressed.
A loved one expressed sorrow due to my childhood experiences. This is someone who literally watched me grow up from birth. I feel this was a confession that weighed on them for 34 long years. I am forever grateful this person had the courage to share valuable information❤️. It was obvious to everyone (inside and outside the household) the abuse I suffered.
Everyone just “pretended” they “didn’t know” what was going on. The sexual abuse… the physical abuse… the mental abuse… the emotional abuse💔 I re-lived the fear in my eyes… the chills in my body… as I heard my mother kept me looking nice, but the LOVE WASN’T there. I re-lived that scared little girl who longed to be saved- from a cold cold world.
I was forced to process my emotions. I would replay so many words and scenarios in my mind 😓. I had a rough first week- the good thing is I acknowledged it. Therefore, I was able to identify areas of improvement for the following week.
Boy did I bounce back (like Big Sean😎). Seems like I did a complete 360. I OVER (although you can never overdo) indulged in self-care. I experienced several candle light showers with incense and music. I experienced the beauty in nature (new for me) and spent hours outdoors. I also made healthier eating choices- especially compared to the prior week.
I counteracted the re-opening of the wounds with self-care. I came to the understanding it’s NOT my fault. My childhood experiences were not for me to feel guilt. I had to release guilt that it was all because I deserved it. I did not deserve it. But more importantly- I learned from it. I learned some experiences are just to teach us something. Let’s work towards a “what is this trying to teach me” mindset.
The icing on the cake was finding out I was not born when I thought I was. I put a nice spin on it though😎 All that is before me is in my past. I have the opportunity for a new beginning. On solid foundation. Not what I was told it should be. But for what I know- what I feel…What I love💗
I needed that tower moment. Otherwise, I would have continued to exist in an illusion. The illusion I’m not enough and I deserved every “negative” experience. Nope- not happening captain… not in my book. This new chapter is something like I’ve never experienced before. I am looking soo forward to it. I am learning to be present so I can embrace it and all that comes along with it (for my highest good).
I was not born on the date I’m “celebrated”. It took me over 34 years to discover this truth. I can’t lie- It hurts like hell. I’m learning to be mindful of my perspective as it really makes all the difference. With that being said- there’s a blessing in all of this. I will remain optimistic and do the best that I can- considering the circumstances. There’s no need to move 34 years into the past. It wouldn’t change a thing. It would only create unnecessary stress. Therefore, I will process the emotions I feel. I will decide on the date(s) I will be celebrated- hopefully more frequently than the past. Until next time ✨