#MyShoes

The past 7 days have been “different” for me. I traveled back to a place that I never wanted to see again. A place where it actually felt like home for quite some time. I was in a state of defeat. Defeat with my worst enemy- myself. Last week I received information which is causing me to investigate my actual date of birth. Crazy, right? Lol. Well, 34 years ago (April 5) my mother gave birth to a baby girl. My mother experienced medical complications before and after my birth. In fact, she was revived from a cardiac arrest after my birth. So you can imagine a lot was going on between doctors, nurses, family, etc. My birth certificate states April 5, 1984, but there’s no weight or time. I found that odd and inquired about it. I received a copy of legal documentation which leads me to believe I could have been born before April 5, 1984. This shook my whole world up as I could have never celebrated the day that I was born? What if everything I thought to be true was an illusion? What if I took those very difficult 34 years and used them as learning opportunities? What if I could truly experience a true re-birth? What if I’m finally learning to love and value ME? What if every form of abuse experienced was my past- NOT my future? I’m honestly not sure if I will every confirm or deny the date displayed on my birth certificate. And I’m learning to accept that. Accepting that means not re-living my past. Re-visiting bad habits such as moping around and staying in bed. Or abusing my body with unhealthy eating. I am making a vow today to step out of this “funk”. I will make a conscience effort to continue healing and moving forward- despite all obstacles. I also vow to practice self-care as I am truly deserving of it. The practice includes refraining from mental wars such as this one. I am unable to avoid every single mental war. However, at least I can change my perspective to “how it affects my future (if even)”. That will often determine if it is worth my energy. I appreciate you staying with me until the end of this post 😎

2 thoughts on “#MyShoes

  1. My grandmother celebrated her birthday on July 19th for over 6 decades before she received a document stating that she was born on the 12th. She chose to celebrate on both dates and so did we. Celebrate you as often as you can 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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