If you knew where I started… Then you’d understand why I feel so passionate about the changes I am making in my life. It all started with a troubled childhood. A childhood that taught me enormous strength and power- like I could NEVER imagine. I was blinded by the wounds as I aged into adulthood. It was all suppressed- deeper than DEEP. Over time- I was forced to deal with the demons in my closet… The demons behind my smile… The demons that plagued me AND my life. I had to get vulnerable and truthful with ME… I couldn’t blame any ONE or THING. I played that game for sooo long. It was truly played OUT.
This inner-work journey began a little over two years ago. Little by little- I began to chisel away. None of it really made sense to me back then. I just knew I was uncomfortable in many situations. I knew I kept running into the same problems- often different people… sometimes the SAME people. Either way- I realized… “It can’t be EVERYONE else”- Lol. This acknowledgement occurred over time because when I first started- I still blamed everything and everyone else- Lol… just being honest. I dibbled and dabbled with… what’s right… and what’s COMFORTABLE… Over time… that thought process changed. I began to understand karma… and the consequences of my actions… I learned… If I give into my selfish and egotistical ways… NOTHING good can come of it! I had to do something different… if I wanted DIFFERENT.
Over time… I began to delve deep. What is me? What am I creating in my life? How am I attracting circumstances that are not aligned with my greatest good? What examples am I setting for those who look up to me? What generational curses am I “accepting” as MY fate? When I tell you… this was far from easy… I wholeheartedly mean… FAR FROM EASY! Either way… I faced those demons… and held myself ACCOUNTABLE! Trust and believe- this is the BEST thing you can do for your own development and progression in life. It is not easy, but it is truly WORTH IT… EVERY BIT!
I still continue to delve deep as this healing journey is a never-ending process. Many ups… many downs… Many victories… many lessons… many BLESSINGS… especially in hindsight- Lol. In the present moment- I am focusing on learning me… WHO I AM… not who I was…. not who I PRETENDED to be- just to be “accepted”. Not who everyone THINKS I am… None of that served me!!! I realize I came here for a DIVINE purpose… ONLY I can fulfill that destiny!!! I am on path to live out this vision that I co-created with the DIVINE for MY life…
To be honest- I don’t understand A LOT of it… I have lots of questions… FREQUENTLY… BUT… I am learning to “flow with the go”… It is a constant struggle!!! The good part- I would not have thought to “flow with the go” two years ago… because I was standing in my own way… with thoughts that I was “handling my business”- Lollol… at the thought of it… I had NO IDEA… Either way… I am SOOO glad and PROUD…. that I’ve experienced all that I have… So I can be EXACTLY where I am now… TODAY… with a VISION… with a PURPOSE…. and FAITH….. and to BE ME… to STAND IN MY TRUTH!!! Regardless of what that may look like to others… One day… I will look back and share my testimony… Then maybe people will understand… The vision I had/have… Hopefully it will inspire others to follow their hearts… If one is inspired… I’ve accomplished MY mission- Plus one 🙂
Thanks for taking a glimpse into the side that I RARELY show 🙂