I own my experiences! Re-read that… I OWN my experiences. No longer will I allow my experiences to OWN me. No longer will I play the “victim” role. I scripted this life to learn from the traumatic and rewarding experiences. I scripted a volatile childhood… I said… “this is what I want to experience when I come “here”. I had NO DOUBT about it when I “signed” that soul contract.
It’s taken me decades to get to this place- and this is only the beginning. However, I am truly grateful to be “here”. To be willing to deal with the darkness… No matter what emotions I may feel. I’ve blocked much of my experiences- as I thought that was “safer” than knowing the trauma I AGREED to. The “blocking” coping mechanism protected that little girl back then. No longer will I allow that little girl to drive this vehicle in “life”.
I can’t lie- it’s hard to know where to start. The bottom line is I know where it ENDS! I have to delve deep… to see things I don’t want to see… to feel things I’m afraid to feel. But that’s the only way through and out! Escapism is sooo much easier than dealing… Until you realize the “shadow” is always there. No matter how you clothe it… No matter how you make it smile… No matter what you accomplish… That shadow will ALWAYS follow you.
Now is the time for me to OWN my experiences. More importantly- to learn from them and understand they DO NOT define me. The trauma and abuse made me feel so worthless… alienated…inadequate and so much more. However, that is what I scripted! I scripted it to trigger me in every which way- until I was ready to deal with it… regardless of the people, places, and things. I blamed so many others as I played the “victim”. The truth is they were just showing me what was needed. A love for me… A love for self… A validation for self… to know I am VERY worthy… inclusive… and adequate. I understand this is a lifelong process which can bring about the unknown and unforeseen. Regardless… I am ready to deal… in order to heal.
I OWN my experiences… and choose to learn from them and understand they DO NOT define me✨