I like to share many of my personal experiences and feelings here. I feel- if someone can learn from me sharing about my experiences… so be it 🙂 I’ve lived a long life of “fitting in”. I thought that was the way to be… Don’t question things and “do as you’re told”. Forget “how you feel” because it doesn’t matter.

I’ve come to realize- none of this is true. It’s actually all in perspective. More importantly, I’ve learned to LET MY BRIGHT LIGHT SHINE!!! Too often we dim our lights to prevent from “standing out”. Or… we feel that it will cause others to no longer shine. This too- is NOT true… EVERYONE can shine- should we all please 🙂 It is crucial that we feel empowered to be ourselves… To NOT conform- just because “that’s the way it is”. The “way it is” does not serve us- nor our life purpose.

We must shine our light- even if we are the only source of light. Light trumps darkness- not the other way around. Nor- can darkness trump darkness. We have many choices and must make our decisions based on what’s truly best for us- where we are… and where we’re going! We can choose not to associate with the darkness. We can choose to let the darkness overpower our light… Or… We can attempt to brighten that darkness with our light. The choice is all up to you… Whatever you decide- just stay TRUE to YOU!

It is okay to go “against the grain”. You may receive “heat” from doing so, but we are the only one walking our path. More importantly- we encourage others to do the same as they may want to, but fear it.

The “less traveled” path is a bit scary as it is uncharted territory. On the contrary, the “most travelled” road is scary in the sense that you already know what to expect. Furthermore, our hard work and dedication is often unrecognized. Let’s not forget the reward is likely far less than the blood, sweat, and tears we’ve invested. So that my friend- encourages me to forge a new path in which I CREATE the outcome of my circumstances.

Life is what we make it… not what we are told it should be… or the way it was… I encourage you to question the status quo to see if it makes sense for you… your morals… your dreams… your desires. We have to shift the culture from “that’s just how we do it” to “we CHOOSE to do it in this manner because…”. Of course- this is not an overnight process. However, allowing ourselves to see situations from an alternate perspective is a great start (in my eyes).

Allow your soul and heart to lead you to whatever it desires… as they both know what’s “best” for YOU. This is a trying process as we often allow the ego to tell us “you can’t do that”. However, the fact of the matter is we CAN DO IT… as we have everything we could ever want and need within us. Furthermore, we have an army “in the sky” that guides and protects us day in and day out💖. Let’s make the “impossible” possible… and GO

-AgainstTheGrain✨

I am in a totally different “space” mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually compared to that of a year ago. That is not to say it has all been good. Much of it has been disastrous and destructive, but nevertheless… well needed. In fact, I am still in that state- however, I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A perspective that I would have never considered… a year ago… or even 5 years ago…

Values and priorities change over time. Or… sometimes… they may even stay the same. However, I feel we are able to experience our true essence when we take an inventory of everything in our lives. I am NOWHERE near the true essence of “Who I Am”, but I am much closer than I was a year ago… a month ago… a day ago. That is the key to this “game of life”. I’m learning to understand it’s not quite about “having it all figured out”. In fact, I thought that was the only way to be “successful”. I was the subject of cultural, generational, and social conditioning… To “fit in”… To do this… To not do that… I have to be this way, but not that way…I excluded myself as I worked towards having it “all figured out”. It looks pretty good on the outside… I faked it well… To be honest- we ALL “fake it” well….

Society leads us to believe we are “living out best lives” while trying to keep up with the “Jones'”. While in fact- we are doing the complete opposite. We are working further and further away from who we are destined to be- while trying to compete with the next person, trend, or fad. I believe we all have a purpose in this life. We are ALL unique in our own beautiful way. It is time that we embrace this uniqueness in knowing not a single person (of 7.8 billion) can carry out our missions in the way we are destined to.

I am currently in the process of re-learning who I am. I am allowing death to takeover the parts of who I was… or who I thought I was. Some parts are harder than others to be honest. However, I understand they all needed to happen in order for me to get aligned… on my path- for my purpose. Whether or not I am aligned- that’s a separate topic :-). Either way… I am walking towards my purpose. I honestly have NO IDEA what it is… I have an inclination, but I don’t know what it looks like in the end… NOR… do I know what it looks like in the beginning. I can only hope & pray it is something like what’s taking place right now.

I’ve released a lot in these past couple of years… I continue to release… It is an exhausting process…. To accept that some people, places, behaviors, actions no longer serve you… ESPECIALLY… when we are sabotaging ourselves…At times… it’s like…. WOW…. I was really the ONLY one hurting ME!!!! Whether it be not respecting ourselves enough to establish healthy boundaries… or… allowing our ego to tell us we would NEVER be good enough…

This is a constant and DAILY struggle… to balance the ego… to know I AM ENOUGH…. to know I AM SPECIAL… to know I AM one with the DIVINE…. To know I am DESTINED FOR GREATNESS!!! To release fear and control… and to allow SPIRIT and the UNIVERSE to guide my steps… Because one thing i DO KNOW for SURE….. I have NO IDEA what I am doing (out here in these streets- searches for cool emoji :-)). I am finally learning to accept this about life… Embracing the moments of… “I don’t know… vulnerability… uncertainty… fuckery… the PRESENT!!! Learning to be present… something I STILL struggle with… but also something I am practicing… trying to implement… I am learning that I do not control anything… I just resist what is… and what shall be… which makes matters even more difficult. Therefore, I am releasing control of knowing “what happens next”… I allow myself to be guided to whatever is for me… and my HIGHEST and GREATEST good….

So Be It

If you knew where I started… Then you’d understand why I feel so passionate about the changes I am making in my life. It all started with a troubled childhood. A childhood that taught me enormous strength and power- like I could NEVER imagine. I was blinded by the wounds as I aged into adulthood. It was all suppressed- deeper than DEEP. Over time- I was forced to deal with the demons in my closet… The demons behind my smile… The demons that plagued me AND my life. I had to get vulnerable and truthful with ME… I couldn’t blame any ONE or THING. I played that game for sooo long. It was truly played OUT.

This inner-work journey began a little over two years ago. Little by little- I began to chisel away. None of it really made sense to me back then. I just knew I was uncomfortable in many situations. I knew I kept running into the same problems- often different people… sometimes the SAME people. Either way- I realized… “It can’t be EVERYONE else”- Lol. This acknowledgement occurred over time because when I first started- I still blamed everything and everyone else- Lol… just being honest. I dibbled and dabbled with… what’s right… and what’s COMFORTABLE… Over time… that thought process changed. I began to understand karma… and the consequences of my actions… I learned… If I give into my selfish and egotistical ways… NOTHING good can come of it! I had to do something different… if I wanted DIFFERENT.

Over time… I began to delve deep. What is me? What am I creating in my life? How am I attracting circumstances that are not aligned with my greatest good? What examples am I setting for those who look up to me? What generational curses am I “accepting” as MY fate? When I tell you… this was far from easy… I wholeheartedly mean… FAR FROM EASY! Either way… I faced those demons… and held myself ACCOUNTABLE! Trust and believe- this is the BEST thing you can do for your own development and progression in life. It is not easy, but it is truly WORTH IT… EVERY BIT!

I still continue to delve deep as this healing journey is a never-ending process. Many ups… many downs… Many victories… many lessons… many BLESSINGS… especially in hindsight- Lol. In the present moment- I am focusing on learning me… WHO I AM… not who I was…. not who I PRETENDED to be- just to be “accepted”. Not who everyone THINKS I am… None of that served me!!! I realize I came here for a DIVINE purpose… ONLY I can fulfill that destiny!!! I am on path to live out this vision that I co-created with the DIVINE for MY life…

To be honest- I don’t understand A LOT of it… I have lots of questions… FREQUENTLY… BUT… I am learning to “flow with the go”… It is a constant struggle!!! The good part- I would not have thought to “flow with the go” two years ago… because I was standing in my own way… with thoughts that I was “handling my business”- Lollol… at the thought of it… I had NO IDEA… Either way… I am SOOO glad and PROUD…. that I’ve experienced all that I have… So I can be EXACTLY where I am now… TODAY… with a VISION… with a PURPOSE…. and FAITH….. and to BE ME… to STAND IN MY TRUTH!!! Regardless of what that may look like to others… One day… I will look back and share my testimony… Then maybe people will understand… The vision I had/have… Hopefully it will inspire others to follow their hearts… If one is inspired… I’ve accomplished MY mission- Plus one 🙂

Thanks for taking a glimpse into the side that I RARELY show 🙂