#Sometimes

Sometimes

We have to take a break from the outside world

In the aspect of the every day

Hustle and bustle

The routine

The monotony

This is something my therapist shared with me

I’ve honestly heard it over and over again

And still decided to isolate myself from the world

Outside of the required interactions

I feared being “crossed”

I feared being judged

I feared not “fitting in”

I decided to give the outside world another “chance”

I realized it wasn’t about the external forces

I learned it was truly about me

How I felt after engaging in my hobbies

The idea of meeting amazing

Kind people in the process

I realized that I had allowed my ego

To get the best of me

I was holding myself back

Based on my own irrational fears

The constant “what if’s”

That I managed to turn into

“What if it’s amazing”

“What if I have fun”

“What if I meet cool people”

Half of the battle for me

Is working up enough energy

To step out of the “funk”

To muster enough courage

To kiss my egos and fears goodbye

Of course

This is a work in progress

But

We only move forward if we

Put the work in

And meet our destiny half way

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#Why

Why do we strive for a better life

A “better” life based on the standards of…

Society

The Media

Traditions

Why are we afraid to explore who we REALLY are

Regardless of what that may look like to others

Is it because we were taught to “fit in”

Is it because we are often teased for being “different”

What even makes different “unacceptable”

Who defines “unacceptable”

Who defines “acceptable”

Why can’t we just be

What our soul calls us to be

To do

As long as our intentions are pure

As long as it feels good within

As long as we do not harm anyone in the process

Why can’t we just live a fulfilling life

The one we are all destined to live

One which is not dependent on the fears of what another may think

Or say

A life that makes our heart truly smile

Inside out

Outside in

A happy life with no end

Why does this seem so foreign

Why does it seem so far away

If we do find it

Will it even stay

How do we strive for a better life

A life that feels just right

Despite

What it looks like from the outside

#5Years

I was speaking with a coworker today and it dawned on me I’ve lived in North Carolina for 5 years (next month). Five years kind of seems like a long time, but the time has passed so quickly. I remember the day I arrived at my apartment down here (from Maryland). I even cried due to fear of the unknown.

However, so much has changed since I took that leap of faith. I’ve changed over and over… and over again… I continue to change. Many ups within that time span. Also, many challenging opportunities expanding my perceptions/perspectives. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. This- was in deed a tremendous mark on my journey. I am moving forward knowing:

#DeliverMe

#Memories

#Nurture

#BeStill

Being still is one of the hardest things for me to do-figuratively and literally. It seems that I always have to have something “to do”… to engage in… to analyze… and ESPECIALLY to think.

How does one become present with a million and one thoughts?!? Even if I am physically quiet, my mind is screaming thoughts at an unusually rapid pace. I even find myself struggling when I have alone time. There are so many distractions such as music and YouTube. Even when I go outside in nature and admire it’s beauty. The thoughts continue to race… I ask for guidance to overcome this hurdle 🙏. This too shall pass…

Do you share similar experiences? What works for you?