#5YearsAgain

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of being at my job. As I reflect back- this is the longest I’ve been at one single job (that says a lot about me 😩). Today marks an achievement. It marks a measurement of growth and accountability.

Five years ago I was so lost and confused. I was overwhelmed with all of the “what if’s”, but so unaware of the power is possess within. Never would I have imagined I’d accomplish all that I have within 5 years.

I uprooted my life to start “anew”- not knowing what lied ahead of me. I continued my studies for grad school. I understood the importance of credit and financial stability. I learned how to hold myself accountable for my actions. I made the biggest purchase in my life 🏡 (thus far). I proposed and married my best friend in the whole wide world. I learned what it means to be a wife, mother, and grandmother. I witnessed my brother’s life change in the blink of an eye due to a horrific car accident. I suffered from my mother unexpectedly passing away at the young age of 59. I made a lot of irresponsible financial decisions with consequences. I graduated from grad school. I managed to kick a bad addiction cold turkey. I “lost” loved ones as I found myself 💖 In fact, I am still learning myself as I evolve from one place to the next. I started an entire movement, in which will continue to grow. I started a spiritual awakening…

This all goes to say that a lot can change in a matter of just 5 years. Never underestimate the calling of YOUR life. All it takes is determination, discipline, and faith. Trust and believe- it will not be all easy-far from it! However, it will all be worth it. Especially when you get to the point that you can reflect on ALL of the growth along the way.

I am starting a new journey in the near future. But first, I must acknowledge and honor THIS journey. How I prayed and wish for EVERYTHING that I have now. How everything that I have now was beyond my wildest dreams five years ago at 30 years old. I stand here HUMBLY grateful for the experiences 💖

I am also grateful to know my journey does not stop here. Rather, I must move forward with my head held high! This time- I must honor myself- MY goals and aspirations. I am ready- despite being terrified! This is all a part of my journey.

In closing, I celebrated over dinner with my wife. We witnessed an ironic scene with three cars in the parking lot. The license plate on each car included 888,777, and 444. I took a picture, but will not post due to privacy concerns. I will leave this with you… I am divinely guided on my soul’s journey:

Sometimes the scariest decisions are the ones that put us in alignment with our true purpose 💖

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#JustBe

 

So many thoughts and unanswered questions

I get distraught and

Dance with indigestion

Trying to re-connect with my core

But still feed the need 

To outsource

Instead of looking in

Within

Scared to win

Be in my own skin

I am the source

No need to force

Shedding what’s no longer me

The goal is a younger T

High beliefs and esteem

All I need

Is to really just BE

 

#Sometimes

Sometimes

We have to take a break from the outside world

In the aspect of the every day

Hustle and bustle

The routine

The monotony

This is something my therapist shared with me

I’ve honestly heard it over and over again

And still decided to isolate myself from the world

Outside of the required interactions

I feared being “crossed”

I feared being judged

I feared not “fitting in”

I decided to give the outside world another “chance”

I realized it wasn’t about the external forces

I learned it was truly about me

How I felt after engaging in my hobbies

The idea of meeting amazing

Kind people in the process

I realized that I had allowed my ego

To get the best of me

I was holding myself back

Based on my own irrational fears

The constant “what if’s”

That I managed to turn into

“What if it’s amazing”

“What if I have fun”

“What if I meet cool people”

Half of the battle for me

Is working up enough energy

To step out of the “funk”

To muster enough courage

To kiss my egos and fears goodbye

Of course

This is a work in progress

But

We only move forward if we

Put the work in

And meet our destiny half way

#Why

Why do we strive for a better life

A “better” life based on the standards of…

Society

The Media

Traditions

Why are we afraid to explore who we REALLY are

Regardless of what that may look like to others

Is it because we were taught to “fit in”

Is it because we are often teased for being “different”

What even makes different “unacceptable”

Who defines “unacceptable”

Who defines “acceptable”

Why can’t we just be

What our soul calls us to be

To do

As long as our intentions are pure

As long as it feels good within

As long as we do not harm anyone in the process

Why can’t we just live a fulfilling life

The one we are all destined to live

One which is not dependent on the fears of what another may think

Or say

A life that makes our heart truly smile

Inside out

Outside in

A happy life with no end

Why does this seem so foreign

Why does it seem so far away

If we do find it

Will it even stay

How do we strive for a better life

A life that feels just right

Despite

What it looks like from the outside

#5Years

I was speaking with a coworker today and it dawned on me I’ve lived in North Carolina for 5 years (next month). Five years kind of seems like a long time, but the time has passed so quickly. I remember the day I arrived at my apartment down here (from Maryland). I even cried due to fear of the unknown.

However, so much has changed since I took that leap of faith. I’ve changed over and over… and over again… I continue to change. Many ups within that time span. Also, many challenging opportunities expanding my perceptions/perspectives. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. This- was in deed a tremendous mark on my journey. I am moving forward knowing:

#DeliverMe

#Memories