I’ve been working on this thing called “patience” A LOT lately. If you know me… you know patience really isn’t my “forte”. I mean… I’m an Aries for starters. Then, my rising is Leo… that’s DOUBLE fire… that simply equates to a person that acts based upon passion, impulse, and instincts. I’ve operated my whole life on those three principles- luckily… I always got what I wanted on the surface…
As I reflect- I realize I could have handled some of my manifestations in a different manner. That is where patience comes into play. I am working on feeling things out… to see how certain things make me feel. I am working on allowing SPIRIT to guide my steps- so I don’t make rash decisions in which I may regret later… this is work in itself because I was so obsessed with “instant gratification”. I am realizing I want to manifest based on longevity and QUALITY…
I am learning that I have to be true to myself as I manifest my desires. No longer can I just “roll” with the first option because it’s wrapped in a golden bow… in all actuality… the package under the bow is not even my style… it isn’t aligned with my soul… These are the things I consider as I am planning for my life and future.
I am also working on having faith and trusting in the universe & spirit. They know my heart, soul, and desires. They know my likes and dislikes. They know situations in which I’d lose my “steam” too quickly. Therefore, it is crucial that I…take my time… patiently wait… trust in spirit… trust in the universe… trust in DIVINE TIMING!
There are often times when our manifestations are right behind that red curtain… however, it may not be completely ready for us at our specified time. For example, would you want the waiter to bring you a pink steak when you requested well done?!? Of course not… so that’s when we have to be patient and trust… ALL things work out for our favor in DIVINE timing✨
I was severely abused as a child… sexually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Crazy part- most would have never thought it… Guess why? I always looked so “put together”. Nice clothes that always matched. A smile that only an actor could perfect…
Below the surface… was a terrified little girl who’d rather die- than to live the life she was given. That little girl grew older with time. Unfortunately, age is only a number and that little girl still lives within this woman’s body and world. She’s still afraid because she doesn’t truly understand what “safe” feels like.
The beauty in it all- she’s working through it as she faces the reality of her past… She understands healing the wounds are the key to moving forward. Healing the wounds will free her lineage from the suffering of the “if I knew better I’d do better” mentality. Healing the wounds empowers her descendants to value themselves and keep their power- instead of giving it away like so many of us have.
There’s no formula or manual to this thing called healing. We pretty much just have to experience life through trial and error. Some things will work- while others won’t. We are ahead of the ball game if we can look at our experiences as opportunities to learn.
We can also have compassion for those that have trespassed against us. This doesn’t mean they “get a pass” or we agree with their actions. However, we never know if/how our perpetrators were victims too… A lot of abuse is simply learned behavior. It doesn’t make it right, but at least gives us the opportunity to look at things from a different perspective.
I am currently working through understanding the trauma. I’ve mastered blocking the trauma so well- that I really don’t remember… Or maybe I just don’t want to… My body tensed up after I typed that sentence. The reality is… Things happened… it all has an impact on who I am today.
I am committed to healing and living an abundant life. Therefore, I need to make adjustments accordingly. No longer am I that terrified little girl. Now… I am an empowered woman…who will protect that little girl… who will keep her safe… who will share my story… to help others… so they won’t feel alone… so we can all take back
Life has been “different” lately. Approximately two months ago I experienced a COMPLETE emotional breakdown🤯. I had to retreat from everything I loved (and thought) I loved. I even had to take a two week leave of absence from work🚶♀️. The whirlwind of emotions hit me HARD and UNEXPECTEDLY🌪. I felt like a COMPLETE wreck.
I can’t lie- I wanted to throw in the towel for so many reasons. I wasn’t suicidal; it was more like I was tired of being EVERYTHING- to EVERYONE, but myself. I was tired of placing myself last on the list for EVERYTHING! I believe I learned this at a young age. “Cater to everything for everyone”. “Earn your keep- even if it costs you your own peace”😏. I was taught that was the way of life. I wasn’t living a “fulfilling” life if I didn’t do all of the above🥺.
I’ve learned my breakdown was in fact a BREAKTHROUGH💖! My soul was breaking through while screaming… “Here I am… Please listen to me…Please get to know me… Please allow me to help you”. I didn’t quite understand it at the time. I just took it as I was crazy- because that’s what people will quickly tell you. It was at that point when I realized it WASN’T about people… it was about ME 😍.
I began to care less about what people thought of me. This was challenging as I had been a “people pleaser” my entire life. I started to think “What do I like”… more and more… “How does this make me feel”… more and more… I even found myself saying a few times… “screw who doesn’t like it 😂😩😎”. I was learning how to FEEL and SPEAK my truth. My truth was foreign to me for 35 LONG years.
I am finally learning to value me. It’s funny because I’ve always “underestimated” myself and my abilities. People would express that I am great at this or that, but I always took it as nothing special- I’m just like everyone else. I AM equal to everyone else; however, I have MANYMANY gifts and I am finally learning to embrace them.
I thought I was “weird” because I was “different”. That’s not true…My “different” are blessings and gifts in which I am truly grateful for. I have been receiving A LOT of recognition lately for these various gifts. I finally believe, feel, and know what I am truly capable of. I am aware of my positive impact on others. No longer do I “downplay” it. I welcome and embrace it all as I express gratitude 🤗.
All of this is to say- I’ve been through the storm OVER and OVER again. I’ve been overlooked and last OVER and OVER again… I’ve been used and abused (by self and others) OVER and OVER again. Those things NEVER defined me!!! They only built up my character for the consecutive wins on the ships that are arriving 🛳 (as I type). My future is extremely bright✨ You will read (and hear) all about it in due time.
Just remember- we will ALL reap the rewards of our blood, sweat, and tears… As long as our intentions are good and pure 💖. Just be patient and remember… We have worked way too hard just to be mediocre. Everything is working itself out behind the scenes. Things will be revealed in divine timing✨
Let’s rewind to the end of May for a bit. I recall sharing with you all about an opportunity that I applied for “on a whim”. Follow up conversations had taken place regarding that opportunity and I received the green light from the other end. There were so many questions on my end… such as… How will I make this happen… Will it all really work in my favor… along with other questions and thoughts. Nevertheless, I agreed to the terms despite not knowing how things will transpire. My ego gets the best of me sometimes… and I talk myself out of it while thinking of all of the obstacles in the way. However, I pray over this daily… I ask the “higher ups” to show me signs this opportunity will work in my favor.
Fast forward to early July. I purchased a Groupon for an energy healing. The concept of this type of healing is to look beyond the body and focus on it’s energetic fields. This is the level where we hold our trauma, fears, and other intangible concepts- our subconscious. These concepts and feelings are what lead to physical and mental dis-ease in the body. I decided to invest in this service as I am working on bringing the subconscious to the conscious.
The session took place at the healer’s home. She was very welcoming and we briefly chatted about ourselves for a few minutes. Then, she requested that I close my eyes and imagine a “safe haven” where I felt enormous peace and satisfaction. I complied and this carried on for about a minute or two. She then requested that I slowly open my eyes and scan the room. This was a practice to allow me to be present- in my body… with my surroundings. I slowly opened my eyes and scanned the room on my right. Then, i scanned the room to my left…
I was sooo shocked by what I witnessed sitting on the table in front of me (to my left). It was a picture of the individual who is the “head” over the opportunity I applied for.
I immediately broke down in tears of joy… tears of happiness… tears of my cries and prayers were answered. The “higher ups” gave me ALL the confirmation I could have EVER needed. Here I was at a healing session with a person I had NEVER met. What are the chances of me seeing a picture of the “head” of the organization… That’s nothing but my God, angels, and spirit guides.
The takeaway here is “have faith”. Pray, Pray, and PRAY… They listen… They hear your cries… If it’s meant to be… They WILL deliver… Your every need will be met… and they are organizing things behind the scenes… Things you could never imagine… and the beauty is… They do it ALL JUST FOR YOU!!!
I will keep you guys posted as the wheels move forward 🙂
A little over a year ago I was faced with a challenging circumstance. I was LITERALLY ONE class away from obtaining my Master’s degree. The problem was- I had exhausted ALL of my financial aid (lessons learned). I was always the type to depend on financial aid to “finance” my education. Take it from me and learn from my mistakes-DON’T DO IT… Lol.
Anyway, obtaining my master’s degree was very trying for me. I took several breaks. I started in one state and re-located to another. That was a good year break as I transitioned to another school. My sibling was in a horrific car accident, which caused him to become a quadriplegic. Outside of the emotional impact- I literally traveled 5 hours nearly every other weekend for quite some time. Then, my mother passed away the following year unexpectedly. This took a toll on me and I decided to take off another semester. At the time- it seemed as though completing my degree was not an option.
I persevered through it and re-enrolled the following semester. My grades were “on point” despite “life” happening.
Again, I was literally one class away from graduating… it was DO or DIE. No financial aid left… I could afford it, but I did not want to spend it (that’s where my head was at the time… just being honest). I made the executive decision to pay for my class OUT OF POCKET. My tuition was $4,xxx.00… I was on a payment plan to pay it over the course of three months. Boy was that a ROUGH summer- Lol. I survived it though… And that made my graduation and degree all worth it. The fact that I made sacrifices to get what I want… and DESERVE! I worked HARD for that degree!!! That degree is symbolic for my determination, dedication, strength, courage, faith, and MUCH MORE.
I took this stroll down memory lane today as I am faced with another challenge. I have been given the opportunity to pursue something in which I am VERY passionate about. However, successful execution will require the BIGGEST sacrifices I have made in my life TO DATE. I’ve repeatedly toyed with the idea to take the easy route out and just chuck it up as a “missed opportunity”, but then I realized… That’s not even how I operate. It is yet that time again… to put that “Faith” and “Sacrifice” cape on and MAKE IT HAPPEN!!! I have stories for days to tell you how things have ALWAYS worked out in my favor. I’ve EARNED EVERYTHING I have… When the time comes…I will provide an update on how I (via my spirit team) will manifest this miracle and enjoy the fruits of my LABOR!