Oh my… How the mind

Gets stuck in the clouds

It’s been running for miles

But you refuse

To make it loud

Afraid of the crowd

You prefer to make them smile

Your soul is asking- “HOW”?

Think back to when you were a child

You were running

Free & wild

A true free style

And spirit too

Where did you lose it

Who used it

Who abused it

Not just them

You did it too

The many lessons you learned

All the bridges y’all burned

Put it all in the urn

Time for a re-birth

For you to know your true worth

You’re a blessing and a curse

A force to be a reckoned with- Sir

It’s your destiny

To manifest your dreams

One by one

Burst the seams

Pay homage to your spirit team

They’re the true MVPs

Working behind the scenes

Making your solar beam

It’s not always what it seems

But it’s always what it’s meant to be

Just follow their lead

They know what you need

And what you don’t

What you will

And what you won’t

Just have faith and trust

Forward motion is a must

Wishing you well

Remember… Your words are spells

Make sure you get

The whistles and bells

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The healing process is a never ending journey.  I am committed to healing my mind, body, and spirit.  First, I must take into consideration the root causes of my pain to develop a plan for rehabilitation.  Therefore, I have identified trauma to have the most impact on my mental, emotional, physical, and sexual stability.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) covers various types of abuse, neglect, and other potentially traumatic experiences that occur in individuals under the age of 18 (CDC, 2019).  Some of the most common forms of ACE include physical, sexual, and emotional- in addition to neglect.

Common Forms of Child Abuse and Neglect

Physical– the intentional use of physical force that can result in physical: Examples include hitting, kicking, shaking, burning, or other shows of force against a child.

Sexual– the pressuring or forcing a child to engage in sexual acts. It includes behaviors such as fondling, penetration, and exposing a child to other sexual activities.

Emotional– the behaviors that harm a child’s self-worth or emotional well-being. Examples include name calling, shaming, rejection, withholding love, and threatening.

Neglect– the failure to meet a child’s basic physical and emotional needs. These needs include housing, food, clothing, education, and access to medical care.

Unfortunately, early ACE have a lasting impact on the individual often through adulthood (CDC, 2019).  According to the CDC, these impacts can lead to injuries, risky behavior, mental dis-ease, health dis-ease, and limited opportunities for success (2019).  Consequently, adolescents and adults risk the exposure to future victimization and/or perpetration.

I have decided to conduct research on this topic to gain a better understanding of my childhood trauma. This understanding will allow me to process and accept my past experiences. Eventually, it gets tiresome to continuously feed the trauma with feelings of guilt, sorrow, shame, and other non-beneficial energies. Therefore, I intend to continue my research to move through my experiences. No longer do I wish to give into the trauma- with FEAR. I am ready to conquer this beast.

Do you suffer from ACE?  How do/have those experiences impacted your life?  What are healthy ways to cope from ACE?

Reference:

CDC. (2019). About Adverse Childhood Experiences. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/aboutace.html

Do you have it on now? Does it have beautiful bright colors? Or is it dull and bland? Do you ever take it off? Does the mask leave an everlasting imprint if you take it off? Do you keep it on while you sleep? How long have you carried it? Days, months, years, or even decades? Do you clean the mask every so often to enhance its beauty? Where did this mask come from? Maybe your parents, society, or culture… Maybe all of the above. Do you have more than one mask? How and who do you alternate them for?

Let me tell you a little about my mask. I have it on now and it has so many amazing colors with unique design patterns. Sometimes I take it off when I am alone. I thought my mask left an everlasting imprint, but I’ve come to understand it doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes I wear it to bed. I’ve carried this mask for three decades and five years. I am sure to clean and polish my mask from time to time. There are times when I do not want to show my battle scars. The mask has been in my DNA for centuries- passed to/and from culture and society. I have more than one mask. I alternate them depending on the day, audience, and environment.

Tell me about your mask…

I’ve been MIA for a couple of weeks to deal with personal issues. Two weeks ago I reached a breaking point. I was forced to surrender to all that I knew and loved. I realized “I’m fine” was a lie I repeated way too many times. In fact, I had mastered looking and acting “fine”. I had to accept that I wasn’t “fine”. I had to accept I DO NOT have the answers. The universe forced me to face the emotions I had suppressed for days, weeks, months, and years.

It all started when my past met my present. My biggest fears were staring me in my face- my traumatic childhood experiences. My mind betrayed my heart. I questioned every ounce of reality in my life- dating back to my birth until now. I re-lived many of my past experiences. I was terrified to say the least.

I made the “executive decision” to retreat from EVERYTHING (family, friends, and work). This was very difficult as it was ALL I knew. I was accustomed to “busy” and it had always “worked” for me. No longer was this the case. I was alone with my thoughts and emotions. Again- this was terrifying!

I didn’t know my next move day in and day out. This was challenging as I always had a “plan” and great execution skills. I was literally at square one. My days were long and nights even longer. I was willing to walk away from everything I worked so hard to achieve and maintain. I was completely overwhelmed with everything.

Fortunately, my soul tribe was there every step of the way- even when I wasn’t the kindest. They showered me with love, support, and guidance.

I was also able to incorporate prayer and journaling into my daily activities. Prayer gives me hope for brighter days ahead. Journaling allows me to get out of my head with the racing thoughts. I have also found relaxing in nature to be very therapeutic.

I sought professional help and have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Depression, and Anxiety. The PTSD is a new arena for me. I’ve dealt with the ADHD, depression, and anxiety pretty much all my life. My ignorance led me to believe PTSD was only for people that experienced trauma in a war-like setting. However, that war-like setting is broader than I thought and includes any form of trauma.

One of my main goals is to thrive; not survive. I am claiming a different way to live; not just exist. I understand this is not a quick-overnight fix. I will experience joy and pain throughout it all. The beauty is I am taking a stand for ME… A stand to be a better version of me. I am much closer to who I am meant to be. NOT who they told me I was/am. I am also encouraging you to take that difficult stand- for YOU!

DO NOT be afraid to ask for help. DO NOT feel embarrassed if you need help. Have an open mind to be a willing participant in your healing journey.

Do you (or someone you love) suffer from any of the above conditions? Any other conditions? What is a healthy coping mechanism? Any questions or comments?

Listen Now- “I Made It” By Fantasia                                                      

Spirituality saved me! Not religion, but spirituality. Webster defines the root word spiritual as “of or relating to supernatural beings or phenomena”. We will break phenomena down to mean “an object or aspect known through the senses rather than by thought or intuition”. So what does this all really mean? There is a whole world that exists beyond what we can “physically” see.

For example, we may find ourselves in a situation where something just doesn’t “feel” right. This is known as our intuition. We do not have proof that something is not “right”, but deep down we know something is “off”. I will give you another example. Imagine avoiding a horrific accident- maybe you freaked out and didn’t know what to do next. Often, people will say a guardian angel saved them.

That’s pretty much what happened in my case. I yearned for guidance and searched in all of the wrong places. I was a broken little girl deep down. Heartbreak after heartbreak. Breaking heart after heart. I had a lot of pain and anger built up. I had so many questions- with NO answers.

I was always curious about psychic readings, but never really “believed that kind of stuff”. I came across a spiritual healer in my town (Durham, NC). Ms. Lynn Swain, MagikCraft, is a “7th Generation Spiritual Reader, Medium, Healer, and Clergy, who loves the craft”.

My first session was CRAZY accurate. Lol. I remember calling to schedule a follow up session. A few sessions turned into the enrollment of a 13-Month Certification 13 Moons (MagikCraft). The 13-month course provides personalized instructions on how to “Craft Your Magic”. The curriculum varies from herbology, mediumship, tarot magic, astrological magic, stone uses, among other disciplines.

This course changed my ENTIRE life!!! Lynn showed me the REAL work takes place on the inside. I received homework after each session. I studied, studied, and studied. The homework was tailored to my wants and needs. Therefore, it was relative to my emotional, mental, and spiritual blockages (You can already see there were a million 😜). The goal was to improve my quality of life and live purposefully. Fast forward to 13-months later- I graduated from 13 Moons in December. What did I learn?!?

I learned that I play a major role in many circumstances in my life. I also learned that I suffered at the root of other people’s trauma. I learned ME. I learned my desires. I learned to LOVE ME. I learned to effectively receive love (this was always a challenge for me). I learned how to express sincere love. I learned to embrace the good. I learned to embrace the “bad”. They were just blessings in disguise. It was/is all a part of my journey. I am no longer a victim. I am a VICTOR. I also learned how to communicate with my spirit guides, angels, and ancestors. This in itself changed my life drastically.

I wholeheartedly embrace how far I’ve come. Because not many know where I’ve been. The ones who do probably never thought I would change (with fire & grace) in a “supernatural” way😎 As they say- “I does this shit” LOL!!! Grew out the concrete. I am grateful for MagikCraft/Lynn as she was the vessel to explore and experience this soul searching journey. The evolution continues🌱