It’s been a while since I’ve come to this “safe” space. Just wanted to update you all on my latest venture. I’ve started a YouTube channel which captures much of my healing journey and my newest adventure. Please check it out and be sure to like, share, and subscribe. Thank you in advance 🙏🏼
I cried today… in fact… The tears poured out of my eyes from NOWHERE! I’ve been holding a lot in these days. I have not felt up to much as I am internalizing a lot. I’ve been trying to manage the best way that I know how, but apparently… I needed a release- hence a HEALTHY cry.
This cry was healthy because I gave myself permission to… feel… process… understand…re-visit various circumstances that have taken place in my life. I normally handle things from a logical perspective. This happened because of XYZ and the actions led to the outcome. However, it was different this time. I felt sadness and loss as many cycles are ending in my life. I gave myself permission to mourn these people, places, and things… even if it was for a brief period of time. The key is I did not judge myself for… being vulnerable… feeling sad… reminiscing… and all of the other million things that have been running through my mind.
I know every ending starts with a new beginning. I am grateful for all of the wonderful things that lie ahead of me. Some are things that I could only dream of- becoming a reality. In this moment- I choose to honor my feelings for what… is leaving… has been and was. I express gratitude for the beautiful memories and rewarding experiences. I am even grateful for the painful & hard lessons, which have ultimately made me stronger in the end.
I cries today… and in that moment… I knew things would be okay.
I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.
I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.
I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.
More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…
I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.
I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.
To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.
I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.
I was awakened in the middle of the night and decided to engage in my favorite 🙈- YouTube. A random video was displayed on the screen. The title was- “Please see before deleting” 🤔- I thought. I’ll give it a try. I am soo lucky I did 💖
Background info- I am experiencing a spiritual awakening. This experience is different for everyone- to say the least. There have been many ups and downs since my spiritual journey has begun. I’ve faced many difficulties in shifting perspectives regarding my whole life. Things I learned… was taught… was told…You have to do it this way… That way won’t work…This is how it’s supposed to be… That’s the ONLY way… 🤔🤔🤔 FALSE!
I had to get real with myself and implement change in various areas of my life. Some known… others unknown by others. I continue to make adjustments. Some people understand what I am experiencing- while others don’t have a clue (which is okay). They often think I’m losing my mind- when in fact… I’m learning how to think on my own… and not live my life as a “zombie”.
To be honest- it kind of hurts when those close to you don’t understand you. I struggle between trying to “state my case” with logical facts… and “it’s not even worth the time… nor energy” 😞.
Today was one of those days when I felt I had to “justify” my recent actions. I know I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. That little girl just took over as she wanted to be accepted- not “outcasted”… 🚘🛑 -pump the brakes… Lesson learned- I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my actions. Rather… I pick and choose who deserves it as a courtesy.
Anyways… back to YouTube…
This video was sooo on point for me- especially considering the day I had. In summary, I came here as an old soul… with a purpose… to elevate my own consciousness… and elevate the vibration of those around me. I must shift my perspective and release much of the old paradigm in which I… my… parents… ancestors… were raised on. Understand me when I say it is WORK!!! Lol. It’s also rewarding 💖.
Nevertheless, the video was encouraging… inspirational… a simple reminder that things will work out… I signed up for this… I can most definitely made for THIS. Now… for the synchronicities… the video was liked 222 times✨ Miracles are manifesting as you co-create with the universe… I noticed the 222 at 12:12 (video timestamp)✨ An acknowledgement of spiritual growth and the angels are working on my behalf💖 The message itself was VERY synchronistic 🦋
Moral of the story… Be true to self and your mission… Don’t feel pressured to convince someone to see your perspective… and last, but DEFINITELY not least- Spirit works in mysterious ways as they drop hints to us… we just have to “pay attention”😎. Have a wonderful day, night, and week 🌈.
I want a career I love… a career that makes me smile as I think about it. A career that makes me feel eager and accomplished- day and night. A career that provides me with the opportunity to use my God given skills and talents. A career that makes me smile as I tell others what I do for a living. A career that allows me to have fun… and BE MYSELF… A career where people feel my passion through simple word of mouth… and just being in my presence. A career that is meaningful and I KNOW I am making a difference…Some may think- that doesn’t exist… and that’s okay for you to feel that way. However, I beg to differ….
Hey World! Just “checking in” to say hello. Get out and about. Choose to live- not just exist. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes- it’s the simplest things we can do to expand our knowledge and experiences. Don’t wait until “the end” to say…. I wish I would have….. Because after all… it’s