It’s been a while since I’ve come to this “safe” space. Just wanted to update you all on my latest venture. I’ve started a YouTube channel which captures much of my healing journey and my newest adventure. Please check it out and be sure to like, share, and subscribe. Thank you in advance 🙏🏼
North Node in 11 Pentacles from heaven Bound to see blessings From all my hard lessons It’s hard confessing When my work was “less than” No more second guessing No more mixed messaging Sag in 5 I pay attention to the signs Try not to go blind By my sun in 9 Let it shine Through your mind I’m gonna take you high Fly into the sky Asking questions like… “Why”? Did I see limits And feed into the gimmicks Let’s do this Like the late Jimi Hendrix Stelium in 4 Scorpio galore Beat to the floor But my rise will soar With that Leo rising roar Think you’re in a Verizon store You can’t ask for more With my Jup in 6 Brining service to the mix “Never knew a luh… “A love like this”
Let me tell you About my new found hobby Astrology Not where I’ve been But where I gotta be The devil came in And tried to blind me Deny me From seeing what’s inside of me The divine in me That light that shines in me I gotta leave the past behind me No more doing time for crimes That’s not me
I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.
I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.
I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.
More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…
I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.
I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.
To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.
I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.
There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.
More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.
Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.
The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…
It’s funny how the universe works. I was lying in bed replaying my day. I went to the grocery store and purchased a lemonade. This wasn’t just an ordinary lemonade… it captured my eye because a young girl was pictured on the bottle. BeeSweet Lemonade is a black-owned business by 11-year-old Mikaila Ulmer. Her story was cute because she mentioned (on the bottle) she didn’t always like bees as she was stung by a few in her life. Her grandmother assisted her with the passionate venture. The lemonade was delicious- if I might add 😎.
Fast forward to a few hours later- a lunch date in an artsy restaurant. I happened to sit right in front of the wall, which contained a beautiful painting… I immediately saw a BEE. I instantly thought of the BeeSweet Lemonade and then went on about my day. Fast forward to 30 minutes ago (5:50am)- I “unconsciously” replayed the bee events in my mind. I googled the spiritual meaning of the bee. I moved on with my life (😂😩😂) and began to search my old emails for a recent dream I had sent to myself. I came across the following email dating back to a few months ago:
I wrote all of this to say- NOTHING in life is a coincidence. My spirit team has been sending me subtle sweet messages 😀
I like to share many of my personal experiences and feelings here. I feel- if someone can learn from me sharing about my experiences… so be it 🙂 I’ve lived a long life of “fitting in”. I thought that was the way to be… Don’t question things and “do as you’re told”. Forget “how you feel” because it doesn’t matter.
I’ve come to realize- none of this is true. It’s actually all in perspective. More importantly, I’ve learned to LET MY BRIGHT LIGHT SHINE!!! Too often we dim our lights to prevent from “standing out”. Or… we feel that it will cause others to no longer shine. This too- is NOT true… EVERYONE can shine- should we all please 🙂 It is crucial that we feel empowered to be ourselves… To NOT conform- just because “that’s the way it is”. The “way it is” does not serve us- nor our life purpose.
We must shine our light- even if we are the only source of light. Light trumps darkness- not the other way around. Nor- can darkness trump darkness. We have many choices and must make our decisions based on what’s truly best for us- where we are… and where we’re going! We can choose not to associate with the darkness. We can choose to let the darkness overpower our light… Or… We can attempt to brighten that darkness with our light. The choice is all up to you… Whatever you decide- just stay TRUE to YOU!