I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.
I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.
I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.
More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…
I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.
I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.
To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.
I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.
There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.
More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.
Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.
The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…
These past few weeks have been super busy. The weather hasn’t been the best. Consequently, I have not gone into nature lately. I’ve been constantly on the go- physically (and even mentally). I went out to run an errand this afternoon. I was greeted by mother earth as soon as I opened the door. The sun was shining- oh so brightly. There was a nice breeze that brushed against my skin. I smiled as I saw the birds fly and chirp. At that moment- i KNEW I had to do one of my favorite “past times”- go to the park.
I drove to my local park- one of my faves. I enjoy feeding the ducks. The eat the food from my hands. Some of those ducks can be bullies and such, but we all made it work :). Something a bit different took place today. There was a blue heron. We normally see a heron or crane, but they never come near us. Today was different…. It was spectacular and scary at the same time- Lol.
As I was feeding the ducks- the blue heron flew across the lake RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!! I can not make this stuff up- lol. He (or she) was literally RIGHT NEXT TO ME… I was scared. I’ve never been that close to a heron. He didn’t do much… just stared… and stared a bit longer. Lol. He didn’t try to attack me. He didn’t try to eat the duck food. He just watched me… watch him. lol. I was in complete awe in this moment 🙂 Still terrified, but amazed… that he came from the other side… and could have chosen ANYWHERE to fly… but he CHOSE to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME… LOL.
If you know me… you know I look for the deeper meaning in things. Guess what I did?!? Yup- I looked up the spiritual meaning for the blue heron. Here’s an excerpt I found while conducting my research:
This PERFECTLY explains the journey that I am embarking on in the very near future. I wasn’t always like this- in fact… things recently started to change. For the longest- I tried to “fit in” with others… I “followed the crowd”. I played it safe… No longer can I “play it safe” I began to think. This isn’t who I truly am… My soul yearns for so much more… My soul yearns to be different… To experience DIFFERENT… No longer do I over-consume myself with the thoughts of others. Now- I “do my thing” and “keep it moving” 😀 The beauty in it all…. is I am OKAY with that☺️ Taking all of that into consideration- my spirit team placed that blue heron next to me… to congratulate me… For stepping into my purpose… Regardless of what that may look like to others. The article further went on to explain:
When I say I hopped on an opportunity of the UNKNOWN- You probably wouldn’t even believe the whole story- Lol. I had NO IDEA how things would work out- I still kind of don’t. But… I have faith… and I also have a KNOWING… it is all for my greater good. I will be challenged at times, but I will also gain so much strength in the process. I will experience joy like I’ve NEVER experienced before! I will have stories to share with others… as I hope it encourages them to never stop dreaming… To chase their dreams… To create their own reality- even if they don’t know where to begin. If I did it- so can YOU 😎
I was also greeted by other animals such as a few turtles, ducks, and bees. The animals and the gift of mother nature- provided me with a well needed recharge. Although brief- it was truly appreciated… especially in these busy times.
It’s been a while since I’ve come to this place. A lot has transpired in these past few weeks & days. Mainly amazing things- in which I will not “announce” yet. I am a firm believer of waiting to release things that are “in the making”.
It’s an energy thing to me… I feel it can tamper with my manifestations… people will know when I’m ready to share- lol 😎. But anyway… I was chatting with my life partner earlier and said I was going to write myself a letter here…
I’ve heard (and believe) we are so much more compassionate towards everyone else than ourselves. I am truly my WORST critic 😩. I’m working on it though… So I thought I’d come to this safe place- to show myself some compassion ✨ Here we go…
You are wayyy too hard on yourself. You have to be more gentle… understanding… patient… proud… loving… did I say proud- 😂😂😂. Look at where you started. Many people would never imagine some of the things you’ve experienced over the course of your life (thus far).
Think of all the situations where you felt like it was the end… you felt you couldn’t move any further… What about the times when you were hurt to the core- and still showed love and smiled? What about the times you treated others less than kind knowing they didn’t deserve it? You’ve overcome it all and/or learned MANY valuable lessons… Some were very hard, but well needed… such is karma.
You’ve grown to have a greater appreciation for yourself as you are better at establishing healthy boundaries… still work to do, but LOTS of progress. You’ve gained an awareness regarding the impact of your words and actions on others. You are learning to be more mindful as you communicate with others. Still work, but great progress✨.
Your value system is changing… and based on YOU! Not the outdated values that were passed down to you. This is MAJOR in itself… Not everyone can do this, but YOU DID!
You have EVERY reason to be proud of yourself… Every reason to stop fearing success… Every reason to stop thinking you will fail. Opportunities are here… and YOURS for the taking… you’ve worked VERY hard and are MORE than deserving for what’s here.
Have faith in knowing it’s here to stay. Stand tall and be proud… Embrace a life of abundance. Abundant with whatever you desire- as long as your intentions are pure and the goal is evolving ✨ Pat yourself and be proud…
I was awakened in the middle of the night and decided to engage in my favorite 🙈- YouTube. A random video was displayed on the screen. The title was- “Please see before deleting” 🤔- I thought. I’ll give it a try. I am soo lucky I did 💖
Background info- I am experiencing a spiritual awakening. This experience is different for everyone- to say the least. There have been many ups and downs since my spiritual journey has begun. I’ve faced many difficulties in shifting perspectives regarding my whole life. Things I learned… was taught… was told…You have to do it this way… That way won’t work…This is how it’s supposed to be… That’s the ONLY way… 🤔🤔🤔 FALSE!
I had to get real with myself and implement change in various areas of my life. Some known… others unknown by others. I continue to make adjustments. Some people understand what I am experiencing- while others don’t have a clue (which is okay). They often think I’m losing my mind- when in fact… I’m learning how to think on my own… and not live my life as a “zombie”.
To be honest- it kind of hurts when those close to you don’t understand you. I struggle between trying to “state my case” with logical facts… and “it’s not even worth the time… nor energy” 😞.
Today was one of those days when I felt I had to “justify” my recent actions. I know I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. That little girl just took over as she wanted to be accepted- not “outcasted”… 🚘🛑 -pump the brakes… Lesson learned- I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my actions. Rather… I pick and choose who deserves it as a courtesy.
Anyways… back to YouTube…
This video was sooo on point for me- especially considering the day I had. In summary, I came here as an old soul… with a purpose… to elevate my own consciousness… and elevate the vibration of those around me. I must shift my perspective and release much of the old paradigm in which I… my… parents… ancestors… were raised on. Understand me when I say it is WORK!!! Lol. It’s also rewarding 💖.
Nevertheless, the video was encouraging… inspirational… a simple reminder that things will work out… I signed up for this… I can most definitely made for THIS. Now… for the synchronicities… the video was liked 222 times✨ Miracles are manifesting as you co-create with the universe… I noticed the 222 at 12:12 (video timestamp)✨ An acknowledgement of spiritual growth and the angels are working on my behalf💖 The message itself was VERY synchronistic 🦋
Moral of the story… Be true to self and your mission… Don’t feel pressured to convince someone to see your perspective… and last, but DEFINITELY not least- Spirit works in mysterious ways as they drop hints to us… we just have to “pay attention”😎. Have a wonderful day, night, and week 🌈.