Hey World! Just “checking in” to say hello. Get out and about. Choose to live- not just exist. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes- it’s the simplest things we can do to expand our knowledge and experiences. Don’t wait until “the end” to say…. I wish I would have….. Because after all… it’s
I was inspired this morning by the mention of the dolphin- the dolphin represents playfulness. I thought to myself- I could use a bit more playfulness in my life- LOL. There I had it. My wife and I went on a spontaneous date 🙂 We headed to the science center an hour from our home.
I checked the weather forecast before we left- no rain it said. Lol. Funny thing is is started to rain as we headed towards our destination. Initially, I was a bit bothered and quickly went to check my weather app… However, I quickly “checked” myself. I logically processed there was rain on the windshield. There’s NO NEED to check my weather app because it clearly will not stop the raindrops from falling. In that moment- I realize the sad reality that we are COMPLETELY dependent on our electronic devices and other “conveniences”. I coached myself through this situation- I said… ok… it’s raining.. and what?! How is that stopping you from doing what you need to do?! The sun may even come out once you arrive to your destination. I was super proud of myself in that moment *pumped*.
We arrived at the science center 🙂 Sidenote- the sun came out 🙂 We walked through the aquarium first. We were greeted by fish, sharks, stingrays, and many other beautiful species. One of my highlights were the baby penguins!!! They were sooo cute and playful. I did a little dance and they all came around and gathered by the glass… It truly melted my heart 🙂
We then ventured into the zoo section where we were amongst tortoises, tigers, wolves, and other cool animals. There was even a BEAUTIFUL peacock that showed off a bit- I’ve never seen one open their wings/feathers- lol. It was just an amazing sight. Then, we headed to the friendly farm. I fell in love all over again- I petted an ALPACA… I’d NEVER seen an alpaca up close and personal. I talked to him in a playful manner. He came right over to me and allowed me to pet him. That made my ENTIRE day 🙂
The moral of this post- it’s okay to just have fun and be PLAYFUL. My wife was a bit discouraged when we arrived as there were many school aged children at the center. However, they actually made our trip a bit more exciting. I admired there ability to just enjoy the “simple things”- as I too enjoyed it in those moments. I was actually able to leave my cares behind for a bit. It truly felt great- to just be. Sometimes I get so caught up in my head- that I forget how to be playful. I’m grateful for this science center and the reminder- to live… and appreciate the simple things 🙂
I was severely abused as a child… sexually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Crazy part- most would have never thought it… Guess why? I always looked so “put together”. Nice clothes that always matched. A smile that only an actor could perfect…
Below the surface… was a terrified little girl who’d rather die- than to live the life she was given. That little girl grew older with time. Unfortunately, age is only a number and that little girl still lives within this woman’s body and world. She’s still afraid because she doesn’t truly understand what “safe” feels like.
The beauty in it all- she’s working through it as she faces the reality of her past… She understands healing the wounds are the key to moving forward. Healing the wounds will free her lineage from the suffering of the “if I knew better I’d do better” mentality. Healing the wounds empowers her descendants to value themselves and keep their power- instead of giving it away like so many of us have.
There’s no formula or manual to this thing called healing. We pretty much just have to experience life through trial and error. Some things will work- while others won’t. We are ahead of the ball game if we can look at our experiences as opportunities to learn.
We can also have compassion for those that have trespassed against us. This doesn’t mean they “get a pass” or we agree with their actions. However, we never know if/how our perpetrators were victims too… A lot of abuse is simply learned behavior. It doesn’t make it right, but at least gives us the opportunity to look at things from a different perspective.
I am currently working through understanding the trauma. I’ve mastered blocking the trauma so well- that I really don’t remember… Or maybe I just don’t want to… My body tensed up after I typed that sentence. The reality is… Things happened… it all has an impact on who I am today.
I am committed to healing and living an abundant life. Therefore, I need to make adjustments accordingly. No longer am I that terrified little girl. Now… I am an empowered woman…who will protect that little girl… who will keep her safe… who will share my story… to help others… so they won’t feel alone… so we can all take back
I find it amazing how the universe comes in with it’s strong arm and snatches an opportunity from you. I’m like… nooo… I really wanted that 😩. The universe responds with… yeah okay 😏 Little do you know that’s what your ego wanted. We’re not doing that anymore, remember 😏. I’ve got something much better in store for you- just TRUST ME😉. I’m like… okay 🚶🏽♀️.
The universe often talks to us, but we are too busy to listen. We are busy going about our day to tasks as if there’s no tomorrow. We forget to cherish the present moment for all of it’s beauty. The universe will sometimes force a “gentle” reminder so we don’t forget😏.
Last week I had plans of traveling and visiting family. I was scheduled to leave Thursday night or Friday morning. I packed the car up Thursday morning as I felt fine and normal. I had slight anxiety over me, but that’s pretty typical. Late Thursday evening my body began to experience discomfort. I decided to take a soaking bath to see if I would find some relief.
I was immediately greeted with chills shortly after my bath. I thought it was something that would “pass through”. I retired to bed early and decided to get some rest. I had postponed my travels until the next morning. The chills remained- my body started to ache. I grabbed the thermometer and noticed I had an 103.8 fever. Where did that come from?!?! It came from NOWHERE!!! That’s where…
That was the universe’s way of getting my attention. It had tried several times before, but I didn’t listen. I’ve sure we’ve all been there at one point or another. We get so caught up into “being busy” that we lose the sense of value in “stillness”. We often think the entire world will stop if we stop… That’s sooo not true.
In fact, I nursed myself back to health after 4 days. I engaged in the self-care my body was yearning for. It was begging in subtle ways- but of course… I did not listen. I sat there almost helpless. It took everything in me not to feel guilt. Too often we feel guilty for not being SUPER productive. I did absolutely nothing for 4 WHOLE days- and it felt pretty amazing✨ I learned that it is okay to not always produce or engage into something. It’s fine for us to “just be” and embrace that feeling 💖
The best part is life moved on without me in those 4 days. Family was okay and made arrangements as needed. I didn’t have to wreck my brain to figure out how the adjustments would work out. Everything effortlessly worked out😎
Don’t be afraid to take a break from it all and just
Have you experienced a situation where you were forced to sit down?
It’s funny how the universe works. I was lying in bed replaying my day. I went to the grocery store and purchased a lemonade. This wasn’t just an ordinary lemonade… it captured my eye because a young girl was pictured on the bottle. BeeSweet Lemonade is a black-owned business by 11-year-old Mikaila Ulmer. Her story was cute because she mentioned (on the bottle) she didn’t always like bees as she was stung by a few in her life. Her grandmother assisted her with the passionate venture. The lemonade was delicious- if I might add 😎.
Fast forward to a few hours later- a lunch date in an artsy restaurant. I happened to sit right in front of the wall, which contained a beautiful painting… I immediately saw a BEE. I instantly thought of the BeeSweet Lemonade and then went on about my day. Fast forward to 30 minutes ago (5:50am)- I “unconsciously” replayed the bee events in my mind. I googled the spiritual meaning of the bee. I moved on with my life (😂😩😂) and began to search my old emails for a recent dream I had sent to myself. I came across the following email dating back to a few months ago:
I wrote all of this to say- NOTHING in life is a coincidence. My spirit team has been sending me subtle sweet messages 😀
I like to share many of my personal experiences and feelings here. I feel- if someone can learn from me sharing about my experiences… so be it 🙂 I’ve lived a long life of “fitting in”. I thought that was the way to be… Don’t question things and “do as you’re told”. Forget “how you feel” because it doesn’t matter.
I’ve come to realize- none of this is true. It’s actually all in perspective. More importantly, I’ve learned to LET MY BRIGHT LIGHT SHINE!!! Too often we dim our lights to prevent from “standing out”. Or… we feel that it will cause others to no longer shine. This too- is NOT true… EVERYONE can shine- should we all please 🙂 It is crucial that we feel empowered to be ourselves… To NOT conform- just because “that’s the way it is”. The “way it is” does not serve us- nor our life purpose.
We must shine our light- even if we are the only source of light. Light trumps darkness- not the other way around. Nor- can darkness trump darkness. We have many choices and must make our decisions based on what’s truly best for us- where we are… and where we’re going! We can choose not to associate with the darkness. We can choose to let the darkness overpower our light… Or… We can attempt to brighten that darkness with our light. The choice is all up to you… Whatever you decide- just stay TRUE to YOU!
I own my experiences! Re-read that… I OWN my experiences. No longer will I allow my experiences to OWN me. No longer will I play the “victim” role. I scripted this life to learn from the traumatic and rewarding experiences. I scripted a volatile childhood… I said… “this is what I want to experience when I come “here”. I had NO DOUBT about it when I “signed” that soul contract.
It’s taken me decades to get to this place- and this is only the beginning. However, I am truly grateful to be “here”. To be willing to deal with the darkness… No matter what emotions I may feel. I’ve blocked much of my experiences- as I thought that was “safer” than knowing the trauma I AGREED to. The “blocking” coping mechanism protected that little girl back then. No longer will I allow that little girl to drive this vehicle in “life”.
I can’t lie- it’s hard to know where to start. The bottom line is I know where it ENDS! I have to delve deep… to see things I don’t want to see… to feel things I’m afraid to feel. But that’s the only way through and out! Escapism is sooo much easier than dealing… Until you realize the “shadow” is always there. No matter how you clothe it… No matter how you make it smile… No matter what you accomplish… That shadow will ALWAYS follow you.
Now is the time for me to OWN my experiences. More importantly- to learn from them and understand they DO NOT define me. The trauma and abuse made me feel so worthless… alienated…inadequate and so much more. However, that is what I scripted! I scripted it to trigger me in every which way- until I was ready to deal with it… regardless of the people, places, and things. I blamed so many others as I played the “victim”. The truth is they were just showing me what was needed. A love for me… A love for self… A validation for self… to know I am VERY worthy… inclusive… and adequate. I understand this is a lifelong process which can bring about the unknown and unforeseen. Regardless… I am ready to deal… in order to heal.
I OWN my experiences… and choose to learn from them and understand they DO NOT define me✨