I took my feelings out the bottle

Heart beating… Full throttle

Now it’s in my face and

I know it’s no escaping

No drugs or lust

To be chasing

This is me

And that’s my statement

Getting grounded like the pavement

Hear all the sounds from my basement

Anger, fear, guilt, and shame

Toxicity embedded in the membranes

Flipped the switch in my brain

That triggers the pain

Pouring love and flushing it into the veins

Only thing left to do is change

Cause things can’t just stay the same

The work is hard, but also WORTH it. Don’t give up… You’ve come too far ✨

Lately

I’ve been getting into me

Tapping into my creativity

Seeing more of me

Seeing what I couldn’t see

Life isn’t as easy as it seems

Sometimes it all feels like a dream

Some days I just want to scream

I know I can’t lose steam

Somehow my light still beams

I owe it all to my spirit TEAM

I cried today… in fact… The tears poured out of my eyes from NOWHERE! I’ve been holding a lot in these days. I have not felt up to much as I am internalizing a lot. I’ve been trying to manage the best way that I know how, but apparently… I needed a release- hence a HEALTHY cry.

This cry was healthy because I gave myself permission to… feel… process… understand…re-visit various circumstances that have taken place in my life. I normally handle things from a logical perspective. This happened because of XYZ and the actions led to the outcome. However, it was different this time. I felt sadness and loss as many cycles are ending in my life. I gave myself permission to mourn these people, places, and things… even if it was for a brief period of time. The key is I did not judge myself for… being vulnerable… feeling sad… reminiscing… and all of the other million things that have been running through my mind.

I know every ending starts with a new beginning. I am grateful for all of the wonderful things that lie ahead of me. Some are things that I could only dream of- becoming a reality. In this moment- I choose to honor my feelings for what… is leaving… has been and was. I express gratitude for the beautiful memories and rewarding experiences. I am even grateful for the painful & hard lessons, which have ultimately made me stronger in the end.

I cries today… and in that moment… I knew things would be okay.


Let me tell you
About my new found hobby
Astrology
Not where I’ve been
But where I gotta be
The devil came in
And tried to blind me
Deny me
From seeing what’s inside of me
The divine in me
That light that shines in me
I gotta leave the past behind me
No more doing time for crimes
That’s not me

I am making a conscious effort to set annual goals. The intent is to look back (the following year) and say to myself… WOW… I really overcame that… While I was “in it” (the moment)… I never imagined making it out. The intent is to grow stronger with each challenge… The intent is to look at life from a different perspective- each time… The intent… is to inspire & empower others to stand in their power… As I am learning to stand in mine✨

All of this to say- I overcame A LOT of obstacles last year (around this time). I knew I would be defeated… BUT… through my spirit team, faith, patience, perseverance, dedication, and much more… I overcame those battles which were set to “take me out”.

I stand here today… with a new set of challenges… in which it is difficult to see the light. I will say… I am looking forward to my yearly overview (next year)… Because my spirit team, faith, patience, perseverance, dedication, and much more hasn’t let me down yet💖

To be continued…

I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.

I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.

I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.

More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…

I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.

I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.

To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.

I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.

Thanks for reading✨

There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.

More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.

Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.

The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…

#DoNotFightIt

Do you have it on now? Does it have beautiful bright colors? Or is it dull and bland? Do you ever take it off? Does the mask leave an everlasting imprint if you take it off? Do you keep it on while you sleep? How long have you carried it? Days, months, years, or even decades? Do you clean the mask every so often to enhance its beauty? Where did this mask come from? Maybe your parents, society, or culture… Maybe all of the above. Do you have more than one mask? How and who do you alternate them for?

Let me tell you a little about my mask. I have it on now and it has so many amazing colors with unique design patterns. Sometimes I take it off when I am alone. I thought my mask left an everlasting imprint, but I’ve come to understand it doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes I wear it to bed. I’ve carried this mask for three decades and five years. I am sure to clean and polish my mask from time to time. There are times when I do not want to show my battle scars. The mask has been in my DNA for centuries- passed to/and from culture and society. I have more than one mask. I alternate them depending on the day, audience, and environment.

Tell me about your mask…

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my past, present, and future.  My past does not define me.  My present elevates me to/for my future. The song “So Much Better” by Phony Ppl perfectly describes my mood (I linked it at the bottom). The song’s storyline is we (as a society) can do so much better than we are. It tells us to chase our dreams as we are beyond capable to achieve them all. Most importantly, we are supported by the spirit world (angels, spirit guides, and our loved ones).  However, we CHOOSE to settle.  We settle for the job that we always complain about and dread going to.  We settle for a piece of paper that allows us to purchase material items.  We think the material items make us happy.  I’ve got news for you (personal experience). The money only puts a Band-Aid on the wound. The many wounds that we carry and block out from our childhood. We think buying things will “make up” for the trauma we’ve experienced. It will NOT.  The money often causes us to run away from our dreams and towards our demons. We create situations and scenarios that were never designed for us (pain & sorrow). We have an opportunity to change this mindset.

This transition is not an overnight process and we shouldn’t expect it to be. There will be many times where you want to quit and go back to what you’re familiar with.  The baby steps will get us where we need to be. Take a break from the world and spend some time alone. We have to get rid of the outside world chatter. Get to know YOU. You came in this world alone, right (unless you are a twin, triplet, etc. Lol.) What do YOU like? Not what someone TOLD you to like? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What can you do to not feel sad?  For example, maybe learning how to tell people no (without guilt) is a start J What would happen if you left this world today? Would the world stop spinning?!? Of course not! LIFE GOES ON!!! With or WITHOUT you.

So start doing what you LOVE! Practice self-care. Love those who love you- even the ones that don’t J At the end of the day- it’s not that serious- Lol. Just learn and follow your passions and live the best life you can. You are truly loved, supported, guided, and protected.

 “I Know We Could Be Doing So Much Better”- Phony Ppl

Disclaimer: I do not own rights to the images and music discussed in this post.