Let me tell you
About my new found hobby
Astrology
Not where I’ve been
But where I gotta be
The devil came in
And tried to blind me
Deny me
From seeing what’s inside of me
The divine in me
That light that shines in me
I gotta leave the past behind me
No more doing time for crimes
That’s not me

Advertisements

I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.

I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.

I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.

More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…

I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.

I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.

To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.

I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.

Thanks for reading✨

There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.

More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.

Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.

The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…

#DoNotFightIt

I am realizing I no longer fit in certain boxes. Boxes that I forced my self to fit into for YEARS and DECADES… I did whatever because I thought those many boxes were oh so cool 😏Not anymore. It wasn’t until I started to discover who I REALLY AM… Still discovering, but I know I won’t find myself in those boxes. Everything I AM and will BE are outside of those boxes✨

When you can tell someone about your day

When someone really wants to hear how you are feeling

When you can share life’s most precious moments with

When you can actually trust someone

When you can be yourself around them

When they’d rather see you grow than stay stagnant

When they tell you what you NEED to hear

When you have someone to grow with

When you have someone to help you fulfill your dreams

When you have someone who promotes healing

When you have someone that simply makes life easier

It is hard to come across these things

So please do not take it for granted

Cherish it

The healing process is a never ending journey.  I am committed to healing my mind, body, and spirit.  First, I must take into consideration the root causes of my pain to develop a plan for rehabilitation.  Therefore, I have identified trauma to have the most impact on my mental, emotional, physical, and sexual stability.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) covers various types of abuse, neglect, and other potentially traumatic experiences that occur in individuals under the age of 18 (CDC, 2019).  Some of the most common forms of ACE include physical, sexual, and emotional- in addition to neglect.

Common Forms of Child Abuse and Neglect

Physical– the intentional use of physical force that can result in physical: Examples include hitting, kicking, shaking, burning, or other shows of force against a child.

Sexual– the pressuring or forcing a child to engage in sexual acts. It includes behaviors such as fondling, penetration, and exposing a child to other sexual activities.

Emotional– the behaviors that harm a child’s self-worth or emotional well-being. Examples include name calling, shaming, rejection, withholding love, and threatening.

Neglect– the failure to meet a child’s basic physical and emotional needs. These needs include housing, food, clothing, education, and access to medical care.

Unfortunately, early ACE have a lasting impact on the individual often through adulthood (CDC, 2019).  According to the CDC, these impacts can lead to injuries, risky behavior, mental dis-ease, health dis-ease, and limited opportunities for success (2019).  Consequently, adolescents and adults risk the exposure to future victimization and/or perpetration.

I have decided to conduct research on this topic to gain a better understanding of my childhood trauma. This understanding will allow me to process and accept my past experiences. Eventually, it gets tiresome to continuously feed the trauma with feelings of guilt, sorrow, shame, and other non-beneficial energies. Therefore, I intend to continue my research to move through my experiences. No longer do I wish to give into the trauma- with FEAR. I am ready to conquer this beast.

Do you suffer from ACE?  How do/have those experiences impacted your life?  What are healthy ways to cope from ACE?

Reference:

CDC. (2019). About Adverse Childhood Experiences. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/aboutace.html