It’s been a while since I’ve come to this “safe” space. Just wanted to update you all on my latest venture. I’ve started a YouTube channel which captures much of my healing journey and my newest adventure. Please check it out and be sure to like, share, and subscribe. Thank you in advance 🙏🏼
North Node in 11 Pentacles from heaven Bound to see blessings From all my hard lessons It’s hard confessing When my work was “less than” No more second guessing No more mixed messaging Sag in 5 I pay attention to the signs Try not to go blind By my sun in 9 Let it shine Through your mind I’m gonna take you high Fly into the sky Asking questions like… “Why”? Did I see limits And feed into the gimmicks Let’s do this Like the late Jimi Hendrix Stelium in 4 Scorpio galore Beat to the floor But my rise will soar With that Leo rising roar Think you’re in a Verizon store You can’t ask for more With my Jup in 6 Brining service to the mix “Never knew a luh… “A love like this”
I am making a conscious effort to set annual goals. The intent is to look back (the following year) and say to myself… WOW… I really overcame that… While I was “in it” (the moment)… I never imagined making it out. The intent is to grow stronger with each challenge… The intent is to look at life from a different perspective- each time… The intent… is to inspire & empower others to stand in their power… As I am learning to stand in mine✨
All of this to say- I overcame A LOT of obstacles last year (around this time). I knew I would be defeated… BUT… through my spirit team, faith, patience, perseverance, dedication, and much more… I overcame those battles which were set to “take me out”.
I stand here today… with a new set of challenges… in which it is difficult to see the light. I will say… I am looking forward to my yearly overview (next year)… Because my spirit team, faith, patience, perseverance, dedication, and much more hasn’t let me down yet💖
I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.
I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.
I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.
More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…
I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.
I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.
To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.
I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.
There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.
More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.
Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.
The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…
It’s funny how the universe works. I was lying in bed replaying my day. I went to the grocery store and purchased a lemonade. This wasn’t just an ordinary lemonade… it captured my eye because a young girl was pictured on the bottle. BeeSweet Lemonade is a black-owned business by 11-year-old Mikaila Ulmer. Her story was cute because she mentioned (on the bottle) she didn’t always like bees as she was stung by a few in her life. Her grandmother assisted her with the passionate venture. The lemonade was delicious- if I might add 😎.
Fast forward to a few hours later- a lunch date in an artsy restaurant. I happened to sit right in front of the wall, which contained a beautiful painting… I immediately saw a BEE. I instantly thought of the BeeSweet Lemonade and then went on about my day. Fast forward to 30 minutes ago (5:50am)- I “unconsciously” replayed the bee events in my mind. I googled the spiritual meaning of the bee. I moved on with my life (😂😩😂) and began to search my old emails for a recent dream I had sent to myself. I came across the following email dating back to a few months ago:
I wrote all of this to say- NOTHING in life is a coincidence. My spirit team has been sending me subtle sweet messages 😀
I like to share many of my personal experiences and feelings here. I feel- if someone can learn from me sharing about my experiences… so be it 🙂 I’ve lived a long life of “fitting in”. I thought that was the way to be… Don’t question things and “do as you’re told”. Forget “how you feel” because it doesn’t matter.
I’ve come to realize- none of this is true. It’s actually all in perspective. More importantly, I’ve learned to LET MY BRIGHT LIGHT SHINE!!! Too often we dim our lights to prevent from “standing out”. Or… we feel that it will cause others to no longer shine. This too- is NOT true… EVERYONE can shine- should we all please 🙂 It is crucial that we feel empowered to be ourselves… To NOT conform- just because “that’s the way it is”. The “way it is” does not serve us- nor our life purpose.
We must shine our light- even if we are the only source of light. Light trumps darkness- not the other way around. Nor- can darkness trump darkness. We have many choices and must make our decisions based on what’s truly best for us- where we are… and where we’re going! We can choose not to associate with the darkness. We can choose to let the darkness overpower our light… Or… We can attempt to brighten that darkness with our light. The choice is all up to you… Whatever you decide- just stay TRUE to YOU!
This healing journey is REAL… To say it’s work is an understatement. I’m learning more about myself through astrology. Astrology allows me to examine my past and create the future I desire. It can be confusing at times because we have been programmed with cultural and societal conditioning. However, we reap the benefits when we are able to look at the challenges “head on”… and commit to overcoming them.
Learning astrology is assisting me with identifying my gifts- as well as areas of improvement. Communication is one of my gifts- writing & speaking. It comes to me naturally; however, I try to limit how much I communicate. I have an analytical brain that constantly processes and computes information. Consequently, I have chosen to logically process if my thoughts and words are “worthy” of speaking and/or writing. This self-doubt and second guessing only limits the abundance packaged with my name and a bow.
I know in my heart & being that people want to “hear” what I think… and have to say. I know my ideas and words make a difference… in my own life… and the lives of others. Sometimes, I do not want to write or speak because it makes me feel vulnerable. I felt “weakness” as I typed that word. The reality is vulnerability is OKAH. It’s not what I thought it was when I was a child. The child within me is SAFE NOW! I can acknowledge that old script no longer “works” for me.
I am making a conscious effort to express myself more…. and more freely and authentically. It’s time to stop judging myself so harshly… it’s time to accept “mistakes” as a learning experience- and not beat myself up about it. It is time to embrace these gifts and all that comes along with them✨
I appreciate your time in allowing me to express my true self💖
I am a facilitator of knowledge! I am a mentor and inspiration to others! I am a student of knowledge! I am a student to various cultures! I am an explorer of the world! I am my heart’s desires! I am living my wildest dreams ✨
It is okay to go “against the grain”. You may receive “heat” from doing so, but we are the only one walking our path. More importantly- we encourage others to do the same as they may want to, but fear it.
The “less traveled” path is a bit scary as it is uncharted territory. On the contrary, the “most travelled” road is scary in the sense that you already know what to expect. Furthermore, our hard work and dedication is often unrecognized. Let’s not forget the reward is likely far less than the blood, sweat, and tears we’ve invested. So that my friend- encourages me to forge a new path in which I CREATE the outcome of my circumstances.
Life is what we make it… not what we are told it should be… or the way it was… I encourage you to question the status quo to see if it makes sense for you… your morals… your dreams… your desires. We have to shift the culture from “that’s just how we do it” to “we CHOOSE to do it in this manner because…”. Of course- this is not an overnight process. However, allowing ourselves to see situations from an alternate perspective is a great start (in my eyes).
Allow your soul and heart to lead you to whatever it desires… as they both know what’s “best” for YOU. This is a trying process as we often allow the ego to tell us “you can’t do that”. However, the fact of the matter is we CAN DO IT… as we have everything we could ever want and need within us. Furthermore, we have an army “in the sky” that guides and protects us day in and day out💖. Let’s make the “impossible” possible… and GO