North Node in 11
Pentacles from heaven
Bound to see blessings
From all my hard lessons
It’s hard confessing
When my work was “less than”
No more second guessing
No more mixed messaging
Sag in 5
I pay attention to the signs
Try not to go blind
By my sun in 9
Let it shine
Through your mind
I’m gonna take you high
Fly into the sky
Asking questions like…
“Why”?
Did I see limits
And feed into the gimmicks
Let’s do this
Like the late Jimi Hendrix
Stelium in 4
Scorpio galore
Beat to the floor
But my rise will soar
With that Leo rising roar
Think you’re in a Verizon store
You can’t ask for more
With my Jup in 6
Brining service to the mix
“Never knew a luh…
“A love like this”

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Let me tell you
About my new found hobby
Astrology
Not where I’ve been
But where I gotta be
The devil came in
And tried to blind me
Deny me
From seeing what’s inside of me
The divine in me
That light that shines in me
I gotta leave the past behind me
No more doing time for crimes
That’s not me

There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.

More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.

Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.

The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…

#DoNotFightIt

The healing process is a never ending journey.  I am committed to healing my mind, body, and spirit.  First, I must take into consideration the root causes of my pain to develop a plan for rehabilitation.  Therefore, I have identified trauma to have the most impact on my mental, emotional, physical, and sexual stability.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) covers various types of abuse, neglect, and other potentially traumatic experiences that occur in individuals under the age of 18 (CDC, 2019).  Some of the most common forms of ACE include physical, sexual, and emotional- in addition to neglect.

Common Forms of Child Abuse and Neglect

Physical– the intentional use of physical force that can result in physical: Examples include hitting, kicking, shaking, burning, or other shows of force against a child.

Sexual– the pressuring or forcing a child to engage in sexual acts. It includes behaviors such as fondling, penetration, and exposing a child to other sexual activities.

Emotional– the behaviors that harm a child’s self-worth or emotional well-being. Examples include name calling, shaming, rejection, withholding love, and threatening.

Neglect– the failure to meet a child’s basic physical and emotional needs. These needs include housing, food, clothing, education, and access to medical care.

Unfortunately, early ACE have a lasting impact on the individual often through adulthood (CDC, 2019).  According to the CDC, these impacts can lead to injuries, risky behavior, mental dis-ease, health dis-ease, and limited opportunities for success (2019).  Consequently, adolescents and adults risk the exposure to future victimization and/or perpetration.

I have decided to conduct research on this topic to gain a better understanding of my childhood trauma. This understanding will allow me to process and accept my past experiences. Eventually, it gets tiresome to continuously feed the trauma with feelings of guilt, sorrow, shame, and other non-beneficial energies. Therefore, I intend to continue my research to move through my experiences. No longer do I wish to give into the trauma- with FEAR. I am ready to conquer this beast.

Do you suffer from ACE?  How do/have those experiences impacted your life?  What are healthy ways to cope from ACE?

Reference:

CDC. (2019). About Adverse Childhood Experiences. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/aboutace.html

Do you have it on now? Does it have beautiful bright colors? Or is it dull and bland? Do you ever take it off? Does the mask leave an everlasting imprint if you take it off? Do you keep it on while you sleep? How long have you carried it? Days, months, years, or even decades? Do you clean the mask every so often to enhance its beauty? Where did this mask come from? Maybe your parents, society, or culture… Maybe all of the above. Do you have more than one mask? How and who do you alternate them for?

Let me tell you a little about my mask. I have it on now and it has so many amazing colors with unique design patterns. Sometimes I take it off when I am alone. I thought my mask left an everlasting imprint, but I’ve come to understand it doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes I wear it to bed. I’ve carried this mask for three decades and five years. I am sure to clean and polish my mask from time to time. There are times when I do not want to show my battle scars. The mask has been in my DNA for centuries- passed to/and from culture and society. I have more than one mask. I alternate them depending on the day, audience, and environment.

Tell me about your mask…

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my past, present, and future.  My past does not define me.  My present elevates me to/for my future. The song “So Much Better” by Phony Ppl perfectly describes my mood (I linked it at the bottom). The song’s storyline is we (as a society) can do so much better than we are. It tells us to chase our dreams as we are beyond capable to achieve them all. Most importantly, we are supported by the spirit world (angels, spirit guides, and our loved ones).  However, we CHOOSE to settle.  We settle for the job that we always complain about and dread going to.  We settle for a piece of paper that allows us to purchase material items.  We think the material items make us happy.  I’ve got news for you (personal experience). The money only puts a Band-Aid on the wound. The many wounds that we carry and block out from our childhood. We think buying things will “make up” for the trauma we’ve experienced. It will NOT.  The money often causes us to run away from our dreams and towards our demons. We create situations and scenarios that were never designed for us (pain & sorrow). We have an opportunity to change this mindset.

This transition is not an overnight process and we shouldn’t expect it to be. There will be many times where you want to quit and go back to what you’re familiar with.  The baby steps will get us where we need to be. Take a break from the world and spend some time alone. We have to get rid of the outside world chatter. Get to know YOU. You came in this world alone, right (unless you are a twin, triplet, etc. Lol.) What do YOU like? Not what someone TOLD you to like? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What can you do to not feel sad?  For example, maybe learning how to tell people no (without guilt) is a start J What would happen if you left this world today? Would the world stop spinning?!? Of course not! LIFE GOES ON!!! With or WITHOUT you.

So start doing what you LOVE! Practice self-care. Love those who love you- even the ones that don’t J At the end of the day- it’s not that serious- Lol. Just learn and follow your passions and live the best life you can. You are truly loved, supported, guided, and protected.

 “I Know We Could Be Doing So Much Better”- Phony Ppl

Disclaimer: I do not own rights to the images and music discussed in this post.