I cried today… in fact… The tears poured out of my eyes from NOWHERE! I’ve been holding a lot in these days. I have not felt up to much as I am internalizing a lot. I’ve been trying to manage the best way that I know how, but apparently… I needed a release- hence a HEALTHY cry.
This cry was healthy because I gave myself permission to… feel… process… understand…re-visit various circumstances that have taken place in my life. I normally handle things from a logical perspective. This happened because of XYZ and the actions led to the outcome. However, it was different this time. I felt sadness and loss as many cycles are ending in my life. I gave myself permission to mourn these people, places, and things… even if it was for a brief period of time. The key is I did not judge myself for… being vulnerable… feeling sad… reminiscing… and all of the other million things that have been running through my mind.
I know every ending starts with a new beginning. I am grateful for all of the wonderful things that lie ahead of me. Some are things that I could only dream of- becoming a reality. In this moment- I choose to honor my feelings for what… is leaving… has been and was. I express gratitude for the beautiful memories and rewarding experiences. I am even grateful for the painful & hard lessons, which have ultimately made me stronger in the end.
I cries today… and in that moment… I knew things would be okay.
North Node in 11 Pentacles from heaven Bound to see blessings From all my hard lessons It’s hard confessing When my work was “less than” No more second guessing No more mixed messaging Sag in 5 I pay attention to the signs Try not to go blind By my sun in 9 Let it shine Through your mind I’m gonna take you high Fly into the sky Asking questions like… “Why”? Did I see limits And feed into the gimmicks Let’s do this Like the late Jimi Hendrix Stelium in 4 Scorpio galore Beat to the floor But my rise will soar With that Leo rising roar Think you’re in a Verizon store You can’t ask for more With my Jup in 6 Brining service to the mix “Never knew a luh… “A love like this”
Let me tell you About my new found hobby Astrology Not where I’ve been But where I gotta be The devil came in And tried to blind me Deny me From seeing what’s inside of me The divine in me That light that shines in me I gotta leave the past behind me No more doing time for crimes That’s not me
I am making a conscious effort to set annual goals. The intent is to look back (the following year) and say to myself… WOW… I really overcame that… While I was “in it” (the moment)… I never imagined making it out. The intent is to grow stronger with each challenge… The intent is to look at life from a different perspective- each time… The intent… is to inspire & empower others to stand in their power… As I am learning to stand in mine✨
All of this to say- I overcame A LOT of obstacles last year (around this time). I knew I would be defeated… BUT… through my spirit team, faith, patience, perseverance, dedication, and much more… I overcame those battles which were set to “take me out”.
I stand here today… with a new set of challenges… in which it is difficult to see the light. I will say… I am looking forward to my yearly overview (next year)… Because my spirit team, faith, patience, perseverance, dedication, and much more hasn’t let me down yet💖
I am experiencing a major transformative phase in my life right now. I’m not going to lie… It hurts… really bad… to the core… Its uncomfortable as hell… Often times- I don’t know which way to go… Or even how to proceed. There have been a lot of “down” days lately. I will say… having alone time allows one to be an observer… just “chillin’ in the cut”.
I am grateful for this timed opportunity because I am able to look at things from a different perspective. A clear perspective… not a biased perspective… or what I fantasize it to be. A light bulb clicked today as my mind raced with so many unasked and unanswered questions.
I gave myself a “death sentence”. You may think… “wow… that sounds a bit extreme”. The reality… IT IS. Let me break it down… I never forgave myself for many of the mistakes I’ve made in life. It’s like I hold a gun to my head and heart. I overcompensate based on the guilt I feel within. My expectations are too high for myself. I am human… I’m going to make mistakes… I am not perfect.
More times than not… I like to hold myself accountable for my actions. I also like to identify solutions to prevent situations from occurring again. However, it doesn’t just stop there… I hold the mistake over my head… and allow others to do the same… I acknowledge… This is not right… nor fair. It ends here…
I am human.. I will make mistakes… It is a part of life. I can’t give others a “pass” while refusing to give myself one. My mistakes are opportunities to learn something new- that simple. No longer will I beat myself over the head for “not knowing better”. I forgive ME… I will show compassion to and for myself.
I just connected the dots that this is a childhood wound. It is now ready to be healed ✨. When I was a child- I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused for making mistakes. My child self felt SO LOW… I literally just felt the heaviness as I typed that… I allowed others to add to that low feeling… I accepted the abuse… It was a natural response to be abused as a result of making a mistake.
To make matters worse… I did everything in my power to be seen (and treated) in “good grace”. Rarely was that the outcome… rather… Others took advantage of my low esteem and used it for their benefit. This is toxic behavior that I have carried into adulthood… Over and over again… I acknowledge this behavior does not serve me.
I RELEASE IT!!! I forgive myself for… being human… making mistakes… learning new things… not having it all figured out… I FORGIVE ME… I treat myself with love and compassion. I attract those who treat me with forgiveness, love, and compassion.
There are some moments in life when things seem to happen “out of the blue”. It can hit us when we least expect it. We often are unable to put in to words HOW and WHAT “just happened”. Words of wisdom that I’m learning now ~ DO NOT FIGHT IT.
More often than not… That is the way things should be. No matter how much we “cry, kick, or scream”… DO NOT FIGHT IT. The “Divine” is at work- IN and FOR our lives… For our highest and greatest good. Spirit knows us better than we know ourselves. Spirit knows when we hold on for the sole reason of COMFORT. However, comfort is NOT where we grow.
Our soul evolves when we accept… What was… What is…And maybe even what “could be”. Our soul evolves when we embrace change over comfort. Our soul evolves when we begin to accept reality- opposed to fantasy and imagination.
The goal should always be evolution on this spiritual journey we call “life”. We make things much easier on ourselves when we “go with the flow” of spirit… Not the limited perception of our ego. I repeat…
These past few weeks have been super busy. The weather hasn’t been the best. Consequently, I have not gone into nature lately. I’ve been constantly on the go- physically (and even mentally). I went out to run an errand this afternoon. I was greeted by mother earth as soon as I opened the door. The sun was shining- oh so brightly. There was a nice breeze that brushed against my skin. I smiled as I saw the birds fly and chirp. At that moment- i KNEW I had to do one of my favorite “past times”- go to the park.
I drove to my local park- one of my faves. I enjoy feeding the ducks. The eat the food from my hands. Some of those ducks can be bullies and such, but we all made it work :). Something a bit different took place today. There was a blue heron. We normally see a heron or crane, but they never come near us. Today was different…. It was spectacular and scary at the same time- Lol.
As I was feeding the ducks- the blue heron flew across the lake RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!! I can not make this stuff up- lol. He (or she) was literally RIGHT NEXT TO ME… I was scared. I’ve never been that close to a heron. He didn’t do much… just stared… and stared a bit longer. Lol. He didn’t try to attack me. He didn’t try to eat the duck food. He just watched me… watch him. lol. I was in complete awe in this moment 🙂 Still terrified, but amazed… that he came from the other side… and could have chosen ANYWHERE to fly… but he CHOSE to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME… LOL.
If you know me… you know I look for the deeper meaning in things. Guess what I did?!? Yup- I looked up the spiritual meaning for the blue heron. Here’s an excerpt I found while conducting my research:
This PERFECTLY explains the journey that I am embarking on in the very near future. I wasn’t always like this- in fact… things recently started to change. For the longest- I tried to “fit in” with others… I “followed the crowd”. I played it safe… No longer can I “play it safe” I began to think. This isn’t who I truly am… My soul yearns for so much more… My soul yearns to be different… To experience DIFFERENT… No longer do I over-consume myself with the thoughts of others. Now- I “do my thing” and “keep it moving” 😀 The beauty in it all…. is I am OKAY with that☺️ Taking all of that into consideration- my spirit team placed that blue heron next to me… to congratulate me… For stepping into my purpose… Regardless of what that may look like to others. The article further went on to explain:
When I say I hopped on an opportunity of the UNKNOWN- You probably wouldn’t even believe the whole story- Lol. I had NO IDEA how things would work out- I still kind of don’t. But… I have faith… and I also have a KNOWING… it is all for my greater good. I will be challenged at times, but I will also gain so much strength in the process. I will experience joy like I’ve NEVER experienced before! I will have stories to share with others… as I hope it encourages them to never stop dreaming… To chase their dreams… To create their own reality- even if they don’t know where to begin. If I did it- so can YOU 😎
I was also greeted by other animals such as a few turtles, ducks, and bees. The animals and the gift of mother nature- provided me with a well needed recharge. Although brief- it was truly appreciated… especially in these busy times.