I’ve found myself saying “I don’t know” a lot lately. I’m at the point where I even give a slight smirk as I say it. I guess that means I am getting more and more comfortable with saying it- Lol. I struggle daily with “allow things to work out as it needs to” and “FIGURE IT OUT NOOWWWW”!!!! Lololol- NO LIES. Somehow, the thought of “I’m still here” keeps me going. Somehow… the thought of looking back at the “inner work” I’ve been doing lately… was NOT in vain. Sidenote- it’s funny that I am listening to a song right now with the lyrics- “I release control… And surrender to the flow… Of love… That will heal me” by Alexa Sunshine Rose. Funny how the universe works. I guess that means… Stop stressing and CONTINUE to allow the universe to work FOR me.
I am taking another leap… A GIGANTIC leap… A leap into the “unknown”. If you know me- you know I like to have control. A plan of x, y, and z. Nope, not this time. This time- I am choosing a different route. To say this is scary- is quite frankly an understatement. I can’t help but ask myself- is this the path I am going to take? Am I really sure? What if things don’t pan out…
Then I remind myself… I can’t afford to stay the same…I can no longer choose comfort over growth… My heart and soul is longing for more. That longing of “quality” over “quantity”. The “quantity” has served it’s purpose. One day- I may even go back to it. But RIGHT NOW- I NEED to do this… I DESERVE to do this… I worked so HARD for this… Day in and day out… Lesson after lesson… Destruction after destruction… There were many days I knew I wouldn’t make it… just one more day… However, there is a GREATER calling on my life. My destiny is BEYOND my wildest dreams. It’s funny because I can see it all so VIVIDLY in the distant, but near future. I’ve literally dreamt this in so many shapes and forms… Yet, I still don’t know how everything is going to work itself out…
There’s something about that powerful feeling within… it tells me EVERYTHING will be fine… We are working on your behalf… You have EARNED this!!! Not only are you doing this for yourself, but more importantly- you are doing it for others… to make this world a better place… you are also doing it for US… WE GOT YOU… Don’t worry about a single thing!!! And THAT… is EXACTLY what keeps me going… it keeps me smiling… despite not knowing the “how”, “where”, and “when”.
I smile as I type this… I’ve grown in sooo many ways. The old me would be freaking out right now- because I really just don’t even know… LOLOLOL. I’m coming to realize– THAT’S OKAY 🙂
I hope I got your attention with that three letter word 😉 Why do we stray away from sexual abuse? Why do we (as a culture) think it’s okay to be sexually violated? Why do we think- “that’s just what happens”? Why do we “look the other way” when someone’s innocence was viciously stolen from them? Why do we think it’s “macho” for a person to steal one’s power? I ask myself these questions every time I see this topic trend- in politics, news, and the media.
I am a SURVIVOR of sexual abuse. It started when I was just a little girl. I agreed because I thought that’s what “love” was… I thought that’s what it meant when someone “liked” you… I thought- if people are aware and don’t step in- everything must be “fine”. I grew up with that same mentality- exposing my mind, body, and spirit time after time. I reached the point that I “knew” I was accepted because I gave my power away. I always wondered- why didn’t anyone SAVE me… Many people knew what was going on; however, we get so caught up in a “reputation”… Things like this are ALWAYS swept under the rug. Under the rug for the next generation to… experience the same violations… enable the behaviors… “breed” violators. The harsh reality in which I hope we can change.
Speak up… Tell someone… Say NO… Take your POWER back… Pray…Pray… and Pray some more… Do WHATEVER you have to do… to EMPOWER yourself and others… To break the CURSE. Have the uncomfortable conversations with children. Unfortunately, this behavior is experienced early on in our lives. Teach your children to express their feelings… Teach them to speak up… Teach them to observe their environments… People, places, and things… Teach them “acceptable” and “unacceptable” behavior. Check in with your loved ones from time to time. Lend an ear or shoulder. A donation of your time can literally prevent a lifetime of trauma… that’s often passed down from one generation to the next 🙁
Please do not be afraid to take the road less traveled. I know it can be challenging as society pressures us to “fit in”. Our family falls prey to the generational conditioning of- “that’s how I was taught”. Consequently, it is passed down to us. However, we have a CHOICE! We can fall prey and continue to pass the “torch”- OR… we can BREAK the curse.
We can take a stand… For ourselves… for our ancestors… and for our descendants. We have the POWER to make a difference. Let us NOT be afraid to question- Why are we here? Why are we doing this? Is this even me? Or is this just the programming that was passed down to me?
Of course, we will be faced with “backlash” and much worse- should we take this approach. I’d be surprised if I/we weren’t. This likely response is just a sign of IGNORANCE- not even in a negative manner, but the literal sense. At times, we are conditioned to “doing what I was told” for centuries. Anything against that response is just “absurd”.
However, we must get honest with ourselves… with…what we want… what we feel… what we desire. We must be brave and stand in our truth. Let me reassure you that it’s okay to not fully understand what YOUR truth is- The key is to know what it is NOT. That is where the real power kicks in. Acknowledging what is NOT you- gives you the opportunity to create the future you desire- not the one that someone else designed FOR YOU. I encourage you to ask yourself- “is this mine”… from time to time. If the answer is repeatedly NO- it’s time to make some adjustments.
Take the road less traveled to create the future YOU desire✨
Today marks the start of a new era in my life. Yesterday ended a five year cycle. I recently posted a summary of much that has transpired in my life these past five years. It was difficult to come to the conclusion that the end was near. I pondered over it for months, but always seemed to “choke” when it was time to “walk the walk”.
I’ve gained a new perspective on life- and MY life to be more specific. I realized the things I placed value on held no real value. I realized the opinions of “outsiders” held no real value. I had to distance myself from things and people within my “comfort zone”.
I had to get uncomfortable and call myself out on my own shit. That’s a HARD pill to swallow, but I did- and I still continue to. The real healing takes place when we are real with ourselves- regardless of how much we may dislike it. We are able to implement changes to align us with our true self in this stage.
This emotionally intense blessing allowed me to remove many masks (still a work in progress). I have gained a better understanding of the cause and effect in my life- dating back to my childhood. I’ve learned how various people served as a catalyst for change in my life. Unfortunately, many were identified “after the fact”, but better late than never. I can appreciate those people for playing their roles- regardless of the pain I experienced. This alone is true growth- to remove judgement from situations and hold myself accountable.
My main point in all of this is we must get to the core of our being if we truly want change. We have to go through the darkest parts that we try so hard to avoid. We must stop “blaming” everything and everyone WITHOUT taking a deep analysis of ourselves. We must surrender to outdated programming of society, our ancestors, and our former selves. We must build the courage to close chapters that “feel” and “look” good without providing substance to/for us. We must bravely look the “unknown” in the face and say I AM READY! This is where LIVING life BEGINS.