I want a career I love… a career that makes me smile as I think about it. A career that makes me feel eager and accomplished- day and night. A career that provides me with the opportunity to use my God given skills and talents. A career that makes me smile as I tell others what I do for a living. A career that allows me to have fun… and BE MYSELF… A career where people feel my passion through simple word of mouth… and just being in my presence. A career that is meaningful and I KNOW I am making a difference…Some may think- that doesn’t exist… and that’s okay for you to feel that way. However, I beg to differ….
Mission initiated 🎬😎✨
Today marks the 3 year “anniversary” that my mother “transitioned”. Three years ago I was a complete WRECK. I had a lot of unanswered questions. I had a lot of hatred in my heart. I was CONFUSED… I’d never get answers to why my childhood was… was it WAS… A year later… I began to understand it a LITTLE… I understood death a bit more… Two years later… I had MORE answers…. It wasn’t so much about the questions that were NOT answered… it was more about forgiveness… it was about understanding people do the best they can… with what they have… WHEN they have it… No longer was it about the “blame game”… it was about accepting things as they were… as they are…
THREE YEARS later…. the story has changed… LIVE LIFE for YOU!!!! Not for what people expect you to do… not based on what you THOUGHT you should do… LIFE is about living as YOU WISH…as YOU DESIRE!!! It’s about getting to the end… and NOT regretting it all…. NOT wishing you did this or that…. It’s truly about doing all that your heart and soul DESIRES…. Tomorrow is NOT PROMISED!!! Do all that you ever dreamed!!!! Live life with NO REGRETS!!! Regardless of what that may look like to others… At the end of the day… they will not be in the casket with YOU… nor… will they be with you in that incinerator… LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOOOUUUUUU!!!!! That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned in these past 365 days to the day…
Hey World! Just “checking in” to say hello. Get out and about. Choose to live- not just exist. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes- it’s the simplest things we can do to expand our knowledge and experiences. Don’t wait until “the end” to say…. I wish I would have….. Because after all… it’s
A Whole World out here… for us to experience!
I’ve been doing this thing lately where I allow what I hear & see throughout the day to give me inspiration. Today… it was… “What makes me happy”? When I heard it- I immediately thought… that’s good “food for thought”. I initially didn’t really know- what makes me happy. I wrote it down on my “to do” list for a later time.
I managed to give it some thought as I wrote the question in my journal. The first few entries were- smiling, laugher, and smiles. I still have the smile on my face as I think about the art of smiling- whether you are the giver or receiver. There’s sooo much beauty in a smile. The idea that despite what one may experience in their personal lives- they can escape it and still SMILE. That act truly gives me butterflies. Oh yeah- the “simple things” was another item on my list- as if you couldn’t tell- LOL. Some other things are creativity, inspiration, and appreciation.
This exercise allowed me to get to know… who I was…. who I am… and who I am becoming. It allowed me the opportunity to get back to me- to intentionally bring joy into my life. Very few items were materialistic; therefore, it makes it that much easier to manifest & co-create happiness into my life.
What are some things that make you happy- regardless of how big or small?
I was inspired this morning by the mention of the dolphin- the dolphin represents playfulness. I thought to myself- I could use a bit more playfulness in my life- LOL. There I had it. My wife and I went on a spontaneous date 🙂 We headed to the science center an hour from our home.
I checked the weather forecast before we left- no rain it said. Lol. Funny thing is is started to rain as we headed towards our destination. Initially, I was a bit bothered and quickly went to check my weather app… However, I quickly “checked” myself. I logically processed there was rain on the windshield. There’s NO NEED to check my weather app because it clearly will not stop the raindrops from falling. In that moment- I realize the sad reality that we are COMPLETELY dependent on our electronic devices and other “conveniences”. I coached myself through this situation- I said… ok… it’s raining.. and what?! How is that stopping you from doing what you need to do?! The sun may even come out once you arrive to your destination. I was super proud of myself in that moment *pumped*.
We arrived at the science center 🙂 Sidenote- the sun came out 🙂 We walked through the aquarium first. We were greeted by fish, sharks, stingrays, and many other beautiful species. One of my highlights were the baby penguins!!! They were sooo cute and playful. I did a little dance and they all came around and gathered by the glass… It truly melted my heart 🙂
We then ventured into the zoo section where we were amongst tortoises, tigers, wolves, and other cool animals. There was even a BEAUTIFUL peacock that showed off a bit- I’ve never seen one open their wings/feathers- lol. It was just an amazing sight. Then, we headed to the friendly farm. I fell in love all over again- I petted an ALPACA… I’d NEVER seen an alpaca up close and personal. I talked to him in a playful manner. He came right over to me and allowed me to pet him. That made my ENTIRE day 🙂
The moral of this post- it’s okay to just have fun and be PLAYFUL. My wife was a bit discouraged when we arrived as there were many school aged children at the center. However, they actually made our trip a bit more exciting. I admired there ability to just enjoy the “simple things”- as I too enjoyed it in those moments. I was actually able to leave my cares behind for a bit. It truly felt great- to just be. Sometimes I get so caught up in my head- that I forget how to be playful. I’m grateful for this science center and the reminder- to live… and appreciate the simple things 🙂
I was severely abused as a child… sexually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Crazy part- most would have never thought it… Guess why? I always looked so “put together”. Nice clothes that always matched. A smile that only an actor could perfect…
Below the surface… was a terrified little girl who’d rather die- than to live the life she was given. That little girl grew older with time. Unfortunately, age is only a number and that little girl still lives within this woman’s body and world. She’s still afraid because she doesn’t truly understand what “safe” feels like.
The beauty in it all- she’s working through it as she faces the reality of her past… She understands healing the wounds are the key to moving forward. Healing the wounds will free her lineage from the suffering of the “if I knew better I’d do better” mentality. Healing the wounds empowers her descendants to value themselves and keep their power- instead of giving it away like so many of us have.
There’s no formula or manual to this thing called healing. We pretty much just have to experience life through trial and error. Some things will work- while others won’t. We are ahead of the ball game if we can look at our experiences as opportunities to learn.
We can also have compassion for those that have trespassed against us. This doesn’t mean they “get a pass” or we agree with their actions. However, we never know if/how our perpetrators were victims too… A lot of abuse is simply learned behavior. It doesn’t make it right, but at least gives us the opportunity to look at things from a different perspective.
I am currently working through understanding the trauma. I’ve mastered blocking the trauma so well- that I really don’t remember… Or maybe I just don’t want to… My body tensed up after I typed that sentence. The reality is… Things happened… it all has an impact on who I am today.
I am committed to healing and living an abundant life. Therefore, I need to make adjustments accordingly. No longer am I that terrified little girl. Now… I am an empowered woman…who will protect that little girl… who will keep her safe… who will share my story… to help others… so they won’t feel alone… so we can all take back
I don’t know if I am going or coming
All I know is
I can’t keep running
Falling and stumbling
Stalling and fumbling
Stop getting stuck in
What it’s been
That was the end
Here’s where it begins
Find what’s been hiding
What I’ve been denying
Beyond my sightings
My bright light shining
No more binding
No more waiting for perfect timing
Life is timeless
I find it amazing how the universe comes in with it’s strong arm and snatches an opportunity from you. I’m like… nooo… I really wanted that 😩. The universe responds with… yeah okay 😏 Little do you know that’s what your ego wanted. We’re not doing that anymore, remember 😏. I’ve got something much better in store for you- just TRUST ME😉. I’m like… okay 🚶🏽♀️.