The past 7 days have been “different” for me. I traveled back to a place that I never wanted to see again. A place where it actually felt like home for quite some time. I was in a state of defeat. Defeat with my worst enemy- myself. Last week I received information which is causing me to investigate my actual date of birth. Crazy, right? Lol. Well, 34 years ago (April 5) my mother gave birth to a baby girl. My mother experienced medical complications before and after my birth. In fact, she was revived from a cardiac arrest after my birth. So you can imagine a lot was going on between doctors, nurses, family, etc. My birth certificate states April 5, 1984, but there’s no weight or time. I found that odd and inquired about it. I received a copy of legal documentation which leads me to believe I could have been born before April 5, 1984. This shook my whole world up as I could have never celebrated the day that I was born? What if everything I thought to be true was an illusion? What if I took those very difficult 34 years and used them as learning opportunities? What if I could truly experience a true re-birth? What if I’m finally learning to love and value ME? What if every form of abuse experienced was my past- NOT my future? I’m honestly not sure if I will every confirm or deny the date displayed on my birth certificate. And I’m learning to accept that. Accepting that means not re-living my past. Re-visiting bad habits such as moping around and staying in bed. Or abusing my body with unhealthy eating. I am making a vow today to step out of this “funk”. I will make a conscience effort to continue healing and moving forward- despite all obstacles. I also vow to practice self-care as I am truly deserving of it. The practice includes refraining from mental wars such as this one. I am unable to avoid every single mental war. However, at least I can change my perspective to “how it affects my future (if even)”. That will often determine if it is worth my energy. I appreciate you staying with me until the end of this post 😎


 

This healing thing is a bitch! More pain after you feel that you’ve healed so many scars. The minute I get an ounce of happiness- I am faced with more realities. Many that I don’t want to accept. I’ll just say I can’t wait until our dreams are our reality. The one we both desire. The one we worked so hard for. The reason for all of our pains- separate and together. I long for the days… we smile at each other and say it was sooo worth it. But for now- I have to deal with “this” reality. The trials and tribulations for the reality with our names on it. I will take this thing called life day by day. This shit hurts me to my core though. I’ll just continue to push through it. I will take breaks as needed; hopefully more often because it makes all the difference. It’s important we take time out for ourselves to decompress. Otherwise, we are just ticking away waiting to explode. Explode on the people, places, and things that actually matter in our lives. Our families- not our jobs. Family doesn’t have to be blood. Any other is just was well- hell… even better. Take time to care for yourself. To process our days, weeks, months, and years. You can’t run forever. Take it from me. I am learning ❤️

One of the hardest things

I’ve ever had to do

Is walk away from

People, places, and things

Beliefs, lies, and delusions

Ideas and notions

In which I thought

Were my reality

A reality I re-played in my head

Over and over again

Year after year

Decade after decade

Now I realize

The big picture

I create my own reality

No longer do I have to give in

To what I “thought” was right

I can live my life

Based on

What I KNOW is right

What I FEEL is right

The journey served its purpose

But now is the time to

#WalkAway

—BiggerThanMeMovement

Life is going to be

What you want it to be

Whether it be good

Or whether it be bad

We all have choices

Some better than others

What really matters

Is how we handle our circumstances

Do we allow them to define us

Or do we choose to use them

To empower ourselves

#YouChoose

—BiggerThanMeMovement

Mine was rhyming

I could never really rap

Most of my stuff was super corny

But I would always rhyme in my book

I remember writing the dumbest stuff

But it didn’t matter

Because I was doing something

I genuinely enjoyed

All of that to say

I have a little

Rhyme thing going on again 😎

I know I know

I’m “too old” to be a rapper

That may or may not be true

This is bigger than that

My rhymes allow me to

Shut the world out

And just be present

They also

Allow me to go back

To a time when life

Was so simple

What a longing 💖

#ChildhoodHobby

—BiggerThanMeMovement

What are some of your childhood hobbies?

Why? Can you pick one or two up?

I can’t put into words

The roller coaster of emotions

We’ve experienced together

I would not take a single experience back

Not the most intense heartbreak

Not even the highest joy

It is all happening the way

It was destined to be

It hasn’t been easy

It still gets hard at times

But when you know

You can’t win in anything without them

You work at it

And you work at it more

Even when you want to give up

Because you will probably want to

Repeatedly

You will fall

In and out of love

But nothing compares to

Win after win after win

But ONLY with THEM

BY YOUR SIDE

—BiggerThanMeMovement

#BAE